Fear Makes The Brave
by DrownedNokk
Summary: Modern AU. Elsa was always a shy girl, but what made her lock herself in a room for a decade? Her family has to adapt to the life with this nervous wreck of a girl when no one seems to be able to help her, or figure out what is wrong with her. M for dark themes not suitable for children.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N** This chapter is quite short, since it's more of a prologue. I'm trying to make a little longer ones in the future, but we'll see.

**Disclaimer **I don't own these characters :(

**Trigger Warning **Implications to a child's sexual abuse

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Chapter 1

It was just a normal gathering at the Arendelle's estate. Parents were talking about business and Anna, the social butterfly, was playing with all the other kids in the yard. Elsa had been playing with them too, but she got exhausted by all the socializing and decided to try if she could sneak some chocolates for her and Anna without anyone noticing. Mother had said, that they would only be allowed to eat one piece of each chocolate treat, since it wasn't Saturday. They had already had their share but Elsa really wanted some more of those delicious candies to satisfy her sweet tooth.

Elsa moved like a shadow towards the table which was full of all the sweets she wanted to have. Nobody ever minded Elsa that much, she was just that polite, shy girl who only spoke when spoken to. It was easy for her to get to the table, but when she was trying to get some of the treats, she heard a voice that made her heart jump to her throat.

"Ahem, shouldn't you be playing with other kids, little lady?" Elsa turned around to see who had spoken to her, and saw middle aged man with short, finely cut beard and swept brown hair. His jawline was defined and under thick eyebrows were piercing blue eyes watching her. She released the breath she was holding. He was just her father's business partner and he was quite nice, too. Always giving her some candy and small gifts, in secret. In the last gathering he had given her that beautiful seashell he had found when scuba diving in Bali. He had given it to her, when no one was looking and told her it was their little secret. Elsa had been so eager to keep her promise not to tell anyone, that she didn't show the most beautiful seashell she had ever seen to Anna, even though she was dying to.

"Good evening, Mr. Peterson. I was playing with other kids, but I got terrible craving for some sweets. Please, don't tell my parents."

Mr. Peterson seemed to think about this for a while. He looked around them, like checking for something, before leaning towards Elsa's ear: "A child shouldn't go around craving for things, don't you think Elsa? How about you show me your room, and I'll give you some treats. It can be our little secret. What you think about that Elsa?"

Elsa's eyes light up from the idea of getting some sweets and she immediately grabbed the older man's hand and happily told him to follow her. She leaded Mr. Peterson towards her room through dimly lighted hallway and they could hear the party noises fading to the background more and more, the farther they went. When she finally reached her and Anna's white, nicely decorated bedroom door, they could barely hear any noises from the huge business gathering in the ballroom.

"Here it is!" Elsa turned around to face her companion and beamed at him proudly, like finding her own door had been some kind of accomplishment. Mr. Peterson's warm and secretive smirk made young Elsa feel so special. Mr. Peterson even winked at her and she giggled a little behind her tiny hand. For a moment, she felt like she got to share a special, secret connection with a grown-up. She must have been extraordinary eight-years-old to be able to do that. Her cheerfulness only gave way to confusion, when she heard Mr. Peterson lock her door, after they got inside her room.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N** A little longer chapter, which I wrote yesterday with the first one, but decided to finish it later. This is darker and heavier than the first one, I hope you like it.

**Disclaimer **I don't own these characters :(

**Trigger Warning **Implications for a child's sexual abuse and symptoms of PTSD

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Elsa

Elsa tried really hard to blend back in the party, but she couldn't find her focus. All the people had blurred into one frightening mass and the walls seemed to constrict around her, making her feel trapped. Her body was hurting all over and she felt like the blood was still trickling down her tights, even though she had made sure she wasn't bleeding anymore from there when she was returning to the party. Her head was humming loudly and her heart felt like it was trying to find its way out of her body. Elsa just wanted to curl up in her mom and dad's lap and cry all her anxiety out, but she couldn't. They were busy right now and she didn't want to make a scene, which could have caused her secret to spill out. She knew she had to keep the secret, she had to. Her parents could never forgive her what she had done.

Elsa didn't know, how long she had been standing in there, when someone was finally shaking her out of her thoughts. She could hear the echo of her name being said, but she couldn't quite hold on the voice. Elsa tried really hard to focus on the person in front of her and finally the blurring in her eyes seemed to go away. She started seeing hard edges again and the voices around her weren't so dull anymore. Finally Elsa was able to focus on her dad who had his hand on her shoulder and a worried expression. Now that Elsa started gaining the proper feeling of her body back, all of her attention turned to the hand on her shoulder. _Was it supposed to be there? Was it really his dad's hand? It's so big and heavy, kind of like-_

"Elsa? Elsa, please?" Oh, the voice again. Her dad's voice. She slowly turned her attention back to her father's face, who was still kneeling in front of her looking so worried. Elsa's mouth was dry as sand and trying to form words seemed like an impossible task right now. She didn't have time to figure out anything to say before she heard her father's voice again: "Elsa, what's wrong? Everyone already left, but you're still just standing here with your mind miles away. I'm worried about you, darling."

Elsa felt panic finding its way back to every inch of her body. If dad was worried, he could start asking questions, which would make Elsa spill her secret. _Conceal, don't feel it, and don't let it show!_ She had to think something fast now: "I'm fine, papa. I'm just really tired. May I go to sleep now?"

"Oh darling, you must be so tired. You're white as a sheet. We're so sorry that the party went on so long. We know you have school tomorrow", mother said from behind father. Elsa hadn't even noticed her before. It was so hard to focus on them both now.

"We'll tuck you in now, come on. Anna is already sleeping, so we must be quiet."

It was her father's last words that send her over the edge._ We must be quiet._ It was too much, the thought of that room was too much. _How could Anna sleep in there?_ Elsa wouldn't go there, never again. So she quickly pulled her hand back, which she hadn't even noticed her father taking, and yelled: "No!"

"What? Elsa, you ha-", her father tried to reason with her, but she was having none of it.

"I'm not going there. I'm not! I'm not", she wailed and her parent exchanged worried glances.

"Elsa, what's wrong with your room?" mother asked with her soft, gently voice. Trying to figure out what troubled her eldest so.

Then Elsa realized that her outburst could ruin everything._ Conceal, don't feel._ She had to find another way out than the truth. Her parents would never forgive her the truth: "Anna's there. I don't want to share my room with Anna."

Her parents looked dumbstrucked with her reveal, but Elsa just looked down at her tiny feet. She felt so guilty for lying and blaming Anna to hide her own sins.

"But Elsa, you and Anna have always liked to share a room." Her mother tried, softly.

"I don't want to, anymore. I'm eight-years-old already, I'm not supposed to share a room with a baby!" Elsa felt so bad for calling her sister a baby, but she had to stay on her story now. She wouldn't go to that room ever again.

Father let out a sigh and rubbed his forehead, looking tired and said: "Okay, Elsa. Maybe you have a point. We can get you your own room tomorrow, but you have to sleep in the same room with Anna, this night. We cannot start changing the rooms this late at the night anymore, do you understand."

Her father's stern voice and the thought of that room made tears involuntarily built up in her eyes and her lip quiver while she mustered with all the strength she had left and let out a weak and shaky voice: "But I don't want to."

Father's face softened when he saw how upset his daughter was. He reached out for her and delivered a gently: "Come on, Elsa. Let's get you to the bed, tomorrows a new day."

Then he gently picked up now openly crying little girl and started carrying her to the bedroom. Elsa clenched some fabric from her father's suit and pressed her head firmly on his chest, trying to find some kind of comfort. Her attempts were futile and she couldn't stop sobbing even when her parents tucked her in the bed, stroked her face and hair trying to soothe her, and then said their good night's and closed the door leaving Elsa in the dark, alone with her fears.

Elsa just laid in her bed, watching the ceiling. She felt sick, laying there on the unchanged sheets. She could almost smell the iron smell of her own blood and she was certain that her blanket was sweaty and sticky. Only Anna's quiet snoring was distracting her from free falling to the deepest bits in her mind. Her sweet, lovable little sister. Anna was sleeping so peacefully. It's like she couldn't sense the pressing air in the room, which was caused by all the terrible crimes Elsa had committed. How could she force Anna to stay in the room, where her sins were laying, just waiting to tarnish her innocent sister and rotting her to the core like they had rotted Elsa? And what if the room started whispering in Anna's ear like it was whispering to Elsa's, telling all her dirty secrets? Oh no, Elsa couldn't let that happen. Only she could stay in this room. No one else could ever know the truth. She would make sure, tomorrow, that Anna would get a new room, and she would stay in the old one with all her secrets and lies and guilt. With that resolution, her busy mind finally moved aside to let the sleep come and fill her head with terrifying nightmares.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N** Thank you so much for your nice comments, they really help with my motivation to write. I hope you will like this chapter also, even though it isn't from Elsa's POV. Thank you Frozen II for giving me so much more material to work with the parents.

**Disclaimer **I don't own these characters :(

**Trigger Warning **I don't think this one needs any warnings, it's pretty tame.

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Iduna

Iduna was walking towards the dining hall for breakfast, when she found her youngest sitting on the floor, dozing. She walked towards Anna and kneeled in front of her and gently nuzzled her awake. "Anna, sweetheart, why are you sleeping on the floor?"

The drowsy girl lifted her head and mumbled a barely audibly: "Gerda shooed me off from the room. She wanted to change the sheets."

"Change the sheets? At six at the morning? Why was she in such a rush?" Iduna wondered aloud, feeling a little confused.

"I think- I think Elsa might have wetted her bed", Anna answered to her questions, looking quite shamed for revealing her sister's secret.

Anna's confession made Iduna even more confused. Elsa hadn't wet her bed in years. Iduna thought that maybe it was Anna who wetted the bed, and she was too embarrassed to admit it and decided to blame her sister for the accident. Anna was only 5-years-old, accidents still happened time to time for her. Maybe the girls had had a fight yesterday and that's why they were both acting so strangely. Iduna decided to go to see the room herself to be sure. She told Anna to go to eat some breakfast and went towards the girls' room.

Iduna peaked into the room from the ajarred door and saw Gerda putting fresh sheets on Elsa's bed. _Did Anna speak truly?_ She pushed the door more open and now she could also see her eldest daughter standing on the corner of the room and looking devastated. She was hugging herself, shaking her head and muttering something, while Gerda was scolding her for not following her order to go to wash herself. Now she could also see how her daughter's long sleeping dress was wet from the hem and she knew for certain that Anna did tell the truth. _What was wrong with Elsa?_

"Elsa, darling, you have to go to wash yourself", Iduna decided to make her presence to be known, and talk some sense to her daughter while she was at it.

"Mama, I don't want to. Please, mama", Elsa pleaded with meek voice, hanging her head with shame. Iduna was sure she could also see some tears trailing towards her jaw. She was seriously starting to get concerned for her daughter's well-being. Elsa had always been such a mature little girl, and now she was acting like defiant toddler. Well, if Elsa insisted acting like a little kid, Iduna would deal with her like she was one.

"Elsa, you either go to the shower with your own little legs and get yourself cleaned up, or I will carry you there and wash you myself. It's your choice."

She hadn't really expected the undisguised horror she saw on Elsa's face, but nevertheless, the girl gathered her dress and hurried off. Iduna sighed and suddenly felt really tired. She wasn't used to have hard time with Elsa. _Had they taken her good behavior for granted and put too much attention to their stubborn youngest? Was that why Elsa was acting this way?_ Iduna shook her head to get rid of the thoughts, and thanked Gerda for taking care of her daughters and their needs before leaving to eat that breakfast, even though she didn't quite have the appetite anymore.

_**…**_

Eventually even Elsa found her way to the table with damp hair and clean clothes. Iduna was scolding Anna for playing with her food and Agnarr was reading the newspaper and drinking coffee. It was almost like any other morning, but Iduna could feel tension weighting air in the room. Elsa was just pushing eggs around her plate, looking apathetic, Agnarr hadn't flipped a page in ages, and Anna was trying to break the tension by drawing attention to herself. It was almost unbearable for Iduna, until Elsa was the one, surprisingly, to start a conversation.

"I want to have my old room, Anna should get a new room. It was mine first."

"What? Don't you want to share a room with me anymore?" Anna snapped her head towards her sister, looking devastated. _Maybe they hadn't had a fight after all._

"No. I'm too old to share a room with a kid anymore", Elsa proclaimed, lifting her chin a little.

"I'm not the one who wets beds here! You can have the room, I don't want it anyway! It's a stupid room!" Anna yelled and slammed her tiny hands on the table while getting up, and stormed out of the room.

Anna's comment managed to flush Elsa's face crimson red and the poor girl looked like she willed the ground to swallow her whole.

"You can have the room, Elsa. But can you now tell us what is really bothering you? You have been acting like a little kid since yesterday, and it's so unlike you. Did something happen in the party?" Adgarr had finally put down the paper and was now looking Elsa with his stern face.

Elsa seemed momently to be caught off guard, but then she exploded like she had never before: "You just make these huge parties in my home, where you pack up all the corners with strangers and expect everything to be fine! It's easy for Anna, she has always wanted to be in the center of attention, but have you ever stopped and asked what I want? Maybe I'd want to be left alone, and not to be forced to meet all these scary people! I'm so sick and tired of you all pushing me to do things I don't want to do! I'm not your doll to be dressed in nice dresses to be presented for all those stupid adults you bring here! Why can't you just leave me alone?"

With that speech she got up, sniffling and tears pouring down her cheeks, and walked out of the room while her parents were too shocked to utter a single word. Of course they knew that Elsa was shy, but they had always thought that Elsa was fine meeting new people. She had never complained before. _Had they really just misinterpreted their daughter's distraught so badly? Did they even know Elsa at all, or had she just always hidden her inner feelings in fear of letting them down?_ Iduna felt kind of sick for thinking, how much unnecessary anxiety they might have caused to their poor daughter, who was just too well-behaved to tell them how she really felt. Iduna felt so emotionally drained that she hid her face in her hands and started sobbing. Agnarr rushed to comfort his wife.

"Oh, Agnarr. Have we pushed Elsa too much? We knew she was a shy girl, we knew! What if she hates us now? How could we not notice that she was feeling stressed and anxious?"

"Shush now, my love. No permanent damage has happened yet. We can still fix this. We'll speak with Elsa more about this when she has calmed down and is our sweet little girl again. All children act-out sometimes, even our Elsa. Let's go to work and let Elsa cool down for a day. Maybe doing schoolwork will help her also. Elsa has always been such a good student."

Agnarr's words seemed to calm Iduna's sobbing. But she couldn't help that nagging feeling that nothing would be the same ever again when they got up, and left to take care of their company.

_**…**_

When they finally came back home from the headquarters, Elsa's tutor told them that Elsa had refused to take any part for her lessons that day. She told that Elsa had gone far enough to lock her door and not leaving the room for a whole day. Iduna and Agnarr had no other choice than go to have a talk with their eldest about her late behavior.

When they reached her door, it indeed was locked. Agnarr firmly knocked the door, but got no answer until he ordered Elsa to open the door this second. Just then they heard tiny paddling on the floor, turning a key in a lock and slight cracking of the door. Elsa's pale face and big blue eyes peaked out of the room, cautiously. Her hair was braided in single French braid, but it was ruffled, most likely from laying in a bed. She still had pale blue knitted sweater on top of white dress shirt and knee length, dark grey skirt, but her clothes were wrinkled instead of the neat way she usually wore her clothes. _Elsa had always been a tidy girl._

Agnarr was the first one to break the silence: "Elsa, why did your tutor tell us that you didn't attend your classes today?"

"I'm sorry papa, I don't feel so well", Elsa answered meekly and looked at her feet. And honestly, she didn't look so well either. She was sickly pale, there were purplish circles around her eyes and her posture made her look like the life had been sucked out of her. _Maybe she was just sick, and that's why she had been behaving so strangely lately._

"I don't think you have a fever, but you do look kind of sick. Maybe you should just change to your pajamas and get some rest. What do you say, honey?" Iduna said while trying her forehead for fever. It wasn't warmer than usually, but maybe a little sweaty.

"Yes, mama. Will you tuck me in? After I've changed?" Elsa asked so softly, while looking like the little angel Iduna knew she was.

"Of course, sweetie. Go change, we'll be waiting just here", Iduna told, kissed her eldest softly on her forehead, and watched her disappear back into her room while she and Agnarr patiently waited for her to come ask them to tuck her in.

It took her a moment, but soon Elsa opened the door again. This time her platinum hair was down in waves and she had her violet pajama on her. Iduna scooped her daughter up in her arms and carried her deeper in the room while Agnarr was trailing behind them. The help had moved Anna's stuff out after breakfast, and now the big room looked so empty and cold. Maybe some more furniture and decorations would help.

When Iduna reached Elsa's bed, she gently laid her down on it and got a seat next to her, cuddling her daughter. Agnarr sat next to Elsa's feet, after Iduna had tucked her in, and asked if Elsa would like to hear a story. She nodded eagerly and Agnarr started to tell a story about magical forest, while Iduna gently stroked bridge of Elsa's nose with her pinky. The girl must really have been tired, because it took way less than usually for her to fall asleep. Iduna's heart was soaring for seeing her tiny girl so peaceful after such an awful day.

After they were sure Elsa wouldn't wake up, they got up and left the room. But not before both of them had kissed their little girl's forehead and whispered their good night's. After that they were ready to return to their evening, thinking that their eldest would be resting her sickness off for the rest of the day. Because of the darkness, they failed to see Elsa's eyes open, when they were closing her door.

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**A/N** I know that this chapter has a such a hopeful tone in it, that it may seem like there's light in the end of tunnel. But just remember, sometimes the light is just a train.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N **I'm working really hard with characterization, trying to keep them as close their original personalities, while trying to make them believable for this AU, I hope you like it. Ps. Sorry about the inconsistent chapter leghts, can't help it.

**Link **If you're interested in how my Elsa and Anna dresses, there's a sketch I posted on my tumblr: post/190456426038/some-elsa-and-anna-doodle-related-to-my-fic

**Disclaimer **I don't own these characters :(

**Trigger Warning **Implications for a child's sexual abuse, symptoms of PTSD and self-harming

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Elsa

Elsa woke up in terror. Her heart was pounding and she could still see the vivid images from her dream in her mind. She had shot up while still half asleep, so she was sitting and clenching her heart, trying to calm it down. She could feel something wet on her thighs. _Blood!_ She threw the blanket to the ground in panic, and tried to clean her legs from the blood with her hand but she was just smearing it around everywhere. The anxiety was constricting her chest and she had hard time breathing. Everyone would know what she had done when they saw the blood. She lifted her hands to look at the offending liquid tarnishing her pale skin, but there was nothing. The sheets of the bed weren't red, just wet. Her dress wasn't red, just wet. _There was no blood_.

Elsa got up, confused. _Why was she so wet, if it wasn't for blood?_ She leaned towards the bed and smelled that wet patch a little. Pee! She had peed on her bed. And now that she could remember, it wasn't the first time. She had wetted her bed ten days ago. _The morning after_\- No, she wouldn't go there. Elsa could feel her face flushing red. She was so embarrassed that she wanted to die right there and then.

Elsa stand there for a little while, dazed off in her own embarrassment. Until she heard soft knock on her door and Gerda's voice calling for her. In sheer panic she started pulling the wet sheets out of her bed. But she could only get so far, until Gerda opened the door and saw what she was up to. It was that morning all over again. Elsa backed herself to the corner of her room and curled in a tiny ball, gazing into nothingness. She tried to dull all her senses and escape the reality in a place, where nothing could hurt her anymore. That didn't last long, though. She was forced back to reality by Gerda's repeating of her name.

"You need to go to the shower, young lady. You cannot stay like this."

"I don't want to", Elsa muttered and pressed her cheek so hard on her knee, that it actually hurt a little.

"Elsa, you need to shower if things like this happen", Gerda said with and exhausted voice and started to reach out for Elsa to gain her attention.

Only thing Elsa could see, though, was a scary, adult hand trying to grab her. In pure terror she flattened herself against the wall as much as she could to avoid the touch and let out the most ear-splitting scream: "Don't touch me!"

Gerda backed off immediately and lifted her hands up, showing her surrender. She was more than shocked for Elsa's reaction, but wasn't willing to push it. And she didn't have to, since Elsa's parents were already rushing into the room, after hearing their daughter scream of pure terror.

"What in the world happened? Elsa, are you okay?" Elsa's father asked her, sounding a little breathless. Probably from running in the room.

Elsa looked at her parents from her position on the ground, where she had slumped after Gerda had took steps back. Seeing her parents there brought up such a relief for Elsa, that she started crying. She forced herself on her feet, which were shaky after such an adrenaline spike, and lunged herself towards her parents. She buried her tear-stained face in her mother's dark blue shirt, and clutched the fabric in her right fist and her father's black dress pants in her left one, pulling him closer to her. She wanted her parents' bodies to shield her from all the harm.

Elsa was sobbing and smearing snot on her mother's shirt, while Gerda was explaining the situation to her parents. Her father took a gently hold of her head and guided her to look up to him: "Elsa, sweetie, Gerda is right. You have to shower. We are getting really concerned for you, Elsa. It's been over a week since you've left this room and honestly, I don't think you're sick. Can you tell us, what's really bothering you so much?"

"I don't wanna go to the shower", Elsa just wailed. What else could she say? It's not like she could tell the truth.

"You have to go to the shower. You don't get to choose about that. And after that shower, we are having a talk. This has gone way too far. Go now", her father ordered firmly, but not unkindly. Elsa had no other choice than do what she was told to. She hung her head low and walked towards the bathroom while still quietly sobbing.

After locking the bathroom door, she just stand there in her wet pajamas. She didn't want to take the dress off and see her disgusting body under it. She felt sick just thinking about it. Finally, she mustered up all her courage and lifted the dress over her head. She looked down her own body like it was foreign for her. There were no visible bruises or anything, but she could trace every single part of her body where his hands had been. She felt like she wanted to cut out those parts of herself, until there was nothing left to remind her of him. And then she would cut all the rest too, so there would be nothing left to be disgusted about.

Elsa finally made her way in the shower and turned it on. She stepped in immediately. It didn't matter if it was too cold or too hot, she couldn't feel it anyway. The water streamed down her body, but it did nothing to make her feel any cleaner. In fact, she felt so dirty and disgusting she could barely stop herself for throwing up the breakfast she hadn't eaten in over a week. She could hardly find enough appetite to nibble her food from there and there when her parents had been kind enough to let Gerda bring her meals to her room, because she was "sick". Now her empty stomach rumpled, threating to spill it contents on the bathroom tile. Elsa had to find something to distract her from this ever growing nausea.

She eyed around the room, looking labels on shampoo bottles and moving towards the sink. Next to the sink was an opened box of razor blades._ How had they ended up in this bathroom?_ _Only she and Anna used it. Maybe Anna had stolen them for something, it didn't matter now._ Elsa could feel the pull towards the blades. It was so strong that she almost ran to grab one blade. She hold the glistening steel in her wet hand like it was the most precious thing she has ever had. It used to be that seashell, actually, but Elsa didn't want to go there. Not now, when she had the power to erase all that dirt from her skin, in her small hand.

Elsa didn't even notice walking back towards the shower, but before she noticed, she was sitting under the running shower. With shaking hands she pressed the blade on her left thigh, just on the spot where his rough hands had pried her thighs open. Her head was spinning and the only noise she could hear was her own blood pulsing in her head. Her limbs felt numb and her breathing was shallow. Her whole body was spasming with shivers. _Was she cold?_ It didn't matter. Nothing mattered, but that blade on her thigh. On that certain spot on her thigh.

Finally, Elsa took a deep breath and buried the blade into her inner thigh, as deep as she could, though it wasn't that deep. She cut a little and stopped. She didn't stop cutting the line on her skin because of the intense pain, but because of the spurting blood. It colored her thigh red._ Like it had been that day._ Elsa could feel the nausea coming back, even though she hadn't realize it ever going away. She couldn't do anything but look at the blood oozing out of the wound. The red liquid dropped on the floor and mixed up with the water there. The spiraling red water lured her into trance-like state where she couldn't see, feel, hear or smell anything else but that dancing blood on the floor. All her senses were filled with that, like she was made to see it.

Until a loud cracking of wood finally broke the spell and she lifted her head up to see what dared to ruin her moment of clarity. There was her father and mother, next to the door frame. There used to be a door, but now it was busted out of its frame with such a violence that Elsa almost felt bad for it. She probably would have, but the disturbance had retrieved her senses and she could now feel the throbbing pain in her thigh, and the freezing cold water raining on her. _How long had she been in there?_

Yet again she was pulled from her thoughts by his father's horrified tone: "What have you done, Elsa?"

Her parents were rushing to her before her father could finish his sentence. Mother immediately got on her knees to examine Elsa's wound and only Elsa seemed to be worried about mother's nice skirt and stockings getting wet. Father turned off the shower and when the cold water stopped fulfilling half of her senses, Elsa realized her state of undress. She tried to cover her body and shy away from her parents' prying eyes trying to pore inside of her skin and spill her secrets. She kicked her legs wildly and screamed for her parents to leave, while her mother was trying her best to still her wounded leg. After a while of thrashing and screaming, her father finally wrapped a thick towel tightly around her and forced her to stay still. Father gently shook Elsa from her shoulders to get her to lift her head up and look at him.

"What happened, Elsa? What did you do? What did you do?"

But Elsa was too busy bawling her eyes out for anxiety to answer her father. What could she even say? If she told what she did, she would have to tell why she did that, and then her parents would hate her. They would know how disgusting and dirty she was. How she had invited that man into her room._ She did it, it was all her fault._ The guilt was threating to swallow Elsa whole, and she almost wanted it to. How could she live with herself, knowing what she had done?

She felt her father pull her up from the floor, into his warm arms. Elsa hadn't even noticed how freezing she really was until now. She wanted to fight against her parents, force them to leave her here where she could watch that beautiful spiral of blood and let it guide her mind far away from here. But she was too tired for all that. She felt emotionally drained, her limbs were numb and heavy, and she felt quite lightheaded. That was another thing she hadn't noticed until now, how mind numbingly exhausted she actually was. So she just submitted to her father and let him carry her where ever he wanted to. Her parents were probably asking her questions, but she was just too tired to listen. And even if she did, she couldn't give any answers since her tongue felt too heavy and her jaw too boneless to utter even one word.

Her father suddenly stopped moving. When she finally managed to lift her heavy eyelids for a tiny slit, she could see her mother rushing to shoo her curious sister away. Sweet Anna managed to peak from behind their mother and there was such a bewilderment on her tiny face that Elsa felt like crying again. _Great, now she had succeeded to scare her baby sister also. She truly was a monster._

Before she could go further in her self-hatred, she felt her father hoist her higher to get his other hand free to open her door. Mother hadn't come back from where she had parted their ways to get Anna away. It was just Elsa and father, who had put Elsa on her bed and was now rummaging her closet. Elsa wanted to hold the towel closer to her body, but her arms didn't have any strength left in them. She just let them drop to her sides when she couldn't hold them up anymore. When her left arm made contact to her tight, she winced a little from a pain. Elsa slowly averted her gaze to the wound, but she could only see a white bandage where the bleeding injury had been earlier. Its middle had already started turning red, though._ Where did that even came from? Mother must have put it there when she was concentrating on something else._

She was pulled away from her thoughts when her father came back with some clothes. He helped Elsa to put on a big and comfy, baby blue sweater. Well, he put it on her and she just sat there like a marionette. Then her father dressed her in some dark purple flannel shorts and started brushing her wet and tangled hair. At first Elsa didn't even notice, that her father had started speaking again.

"Elsa, our family doctor is coming to see that gash of yours. You remember Dr. Stoneheart, right? He's the one who gave you the flu shot last year and you said that he's nice, remember. You and Anna called him Pabbie. And tomorrow a therapist is coming to talk to you. You need to-", _Of course Elsa remembered Pabbie, he was always so nice to them. Mr. Peterson was a nice man too, once._

"No! I don't want to! I don't want to see any doctor, and I **certainly** don't want to see a therapist. I don't need any of that!" Elsa interrupted he father's monologue.

Elsa's objection seemed to frustrate her father beyond reasoning: "The hell you don't need a doctor! There's a bleeding gash on your leg, which** you** made with **my** razor blade! Where did you even get that blade? Never mind, it's not important. What **is** important is to know, what is making you behave this way. Elsa, you have always been such a good girl. We just want to help you to get to be that girl again."

Her father's words cut her harder than any blade. _Didn't he see it? Elsa couldn't ever be that good girl again. Not after everything she had done._ She was so dirty and wrong._ How could anyone help her in any way?_ She would have to confess her crimes for that and then they all would know. She was all alone with this and that thought forced a sob out of her. Her father tried to comfort her by pulling her in a hug, but it just made things worse for her. She let her father hug her, but felt so disgusted about herself for allowing her father to comfort her while hiding the truth that would make her father want to be as far away from her as he could. _She was so selfish._

**…**

Elsa had stopped sobbing by the time her mother came in the room with an old man with a briefcase or something like that, Elsa wasn't sure. The man was bald from the top of his head but had some white hair on the sides. He had roundish glasses and wise look on his face. But when he started walking closer Elsa felt the panic spread from her toes to finger tips. Her eyes widened in horror and she started backing away on the bed. Father took a hold on her arm to keep her still but that just drove her into a full blown panic attack and she started trash wildly, trying to get away. She tried to gasp for air, but she felt like she didn't get any oxygen. Her lungs felt like they were petrified and they weren't able to flex for the air anymore. Her mind was clouded and she couldn't focus on anything._ Was she dying?_

Elsa was starting to see some black spots appearing in her vision when her mother's soothing voice finally reached her: "Calm down, Elsa. Everything is fine. We won't let anything to hurt you."

Mother's voice started eventually calm her down. She started feeling her mother's chest slow rising and setting behind her head and soft stroking on the bridge of her nose. Her eyes started roaming around the room to check if there still was any danger, but only her parents were there with her. After making sure, that no scary strangers were in the room, she relaxed in her mother's lap.

When she finally got to even her breath to normal, her mother offered her a strange little pill. She looked at her mother with questioning face, but her mother only nodded towards her palm where the pill rested. Then she looked at her father and he only gave a reassuring nod to her. Trusting her parents, she took the pill and then the water glass that her mother offered after she had taken the pill. She popped the pill in her mouth and flushed it down with water. She gave the glass back and mother put it on the table. Then she started stroking Elsa's hair and sing her a familiar lullaby.

After a while, Elsa started feeling warm calmness spread through her. It made her limbs and eyelids feel so heavy that she was sure the bed would bend under their weight. Her head was starting to cloud again, but not in the panicky way it had earlier, but in a calm and sleepy way. She could feel the darkness of sleep strongly pull her in. Her mother's singing was only a dulled echo in the background now. The last thing Elsa saw, was the doctor come back in the room, before her eyelids closed and the darkness swallowed her.

* * *

**A/N **I've been writing this story like crazy. I can't get the plot out of my mind at all, I just have to write it. I already have chapters 5 and 6 ready, waiting to be proofread. Yes, I actually do proofread these chapters, even though it might seem like I don't, you should really see first versions, I need Beta, lol. So anyway, at least the next two days will also have a new chapters. If you like this or you have some constructive critisism, please, leave a comment. I read all the comments, multiple times actually.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N **A little shorter chapter again. It's little harder for me to write long chapters about Elsa's journey when I'm writing in someone else's POV than Elsa's. But I think it's relevant to show how Elsa's problems and coping mechanisms affect people around her. I hope you like this chapter.

**Disclaimer **I don't own these characters :(

**Trigger Warning **Symptoms of PTSD

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Agnarr

Elsa had slept since yesterday after Iduna had given her the sedative she got from Dr. Stoneheart. He felt bad for basically drugging his daughter, but they had to get her calm for the doctor to be able to stitch her wound. Dr. Stoneheart had said, that the injury wasn't too bad, he was more worried about her mental health than physical. Agnarr was also, and that's why he had called a doctor, specialized in children's mental health to come to talk with Elsa. But now that she was here, Agnarr couldn't help but feel dread building up in his stomach. How would Elsa react this time and what if they got to hear something they weren't prepared for at all? _What if there was something seriously wrong with their little angel, something that they couldn't fix with hugs and kisses?"_

Despite of his worries, he started leading the doctor towards Elsa's room. Iduna had went there beforehand, to wake Elsa up and help her get dressed. He gently knocked the door and opened it. There he saw his little girl sitting on the bed, hands tightly folded on her lap and head hanging low. She had white knitted sweater, blue skirt, pair of white stockings, blue headband on top of her braided platinum head and black flat shoes. Iduna was sitting next to her in tight black skirt, matching jacked and under it was a white dress shirt. Her hair was tied in bun the way she liked. Iduna was holding her hand on Elsa's shoulder, probably trying to comfort her.

Judging Elsa's almost calm posture, he thought that this time everything would be all right, but he had barely passed a threshold and started introducing the doctor when Elsa started panicking again. Her whole body tensed, she started gasping for oxygen and then backing away. She lunged herself farther from Agnarr and the doctor so boldly that she fell from the other side of the bed, straight onto her back. Iduna turned rapidly to see if their daughter had hurt herself from the fall and Agnarr, also, took a step towards Elsa, but the doctor stopped him. Elsa didn't seem to be too dazed from the fall because she kept crawling towards the corner of her room in sheer panic. It was such a painful vision for a father to see. Seeing his daughter so terrified and not being able to do anything to help her, it broke Agnarr's heart. The doctor told Agnarr to leave the room with her and let Iduna calm the girl. He casted final, hopeless look towards Elsa, and left the room.

After time that felt like forever for Agnarr, Iduna came out of Elsa's room and told them that Elsa had eventually calmed down. The doctor seemed to think about it for a while, until telling them that it would be too distressing for Elsa to talk to her right now, but she could talk with them and maybe figure about a medication for their daughter. Iduna and Agnarr looked at each other, and decided that it was for the best._** Anything** to help Elsa even a little bit_.

The doctor asked questions about how Elsa was as a child, did she have this sort of anxiety before. That should be an easy question, but Agnarr had started to feel like he didn't know his eldest at all. _Had Elsa always felt this anxious, but was just too bashful to tell about it to them? Was her panic always there, under the surface, just waiting to explode?_ She had told them that they had been pushing her too much and she was sick of it. Had they truly caused their daughter to feel this way? Agnarr had never felt such an utterly failure as a parent. And every question just deepened his already enormous guilt for failing his baby girl.

Eventually, the doctor seemed to come to a conclusion: "After everything you've told me, I think we should start medication for anxiety and for her bladder control at nights. I would prefer having some time to talk to her and get to know her a little, before jumping into medicating her symptoms, but I'm afraid that in Elsa's case, that would be too much for her. I'm hoping, that the meds would help her feel comfortable enough to start the therapy and we could actually start working with the problem. How does that sound to you?"

Agnarr felt a little worried about giving some kind of medication for Elsa, but if it was the only way to help her right now, then so it be. Iduna asked more about the medication and its side effects and things like that. In the end, they decided to give it a try and the doctor would come after a week to talk about the effects and hopefully even talk to Elsa. After the doctor left, Agnarr let an exhausted sight and slumped onto a couch. Iduna quietly sat next to him while he rubbed his forehead, trying to relieve some pressure. When he lowered his hand from his face, he could see Anna peaking from the crack of a door.

"Come here, you little rascal. What are you lurking there?" he called for his youngest.

Anna quickly ran to her parents, lunged herself between them, and hugger her father with all her might. Then she murmured softly into his chest: "Papa, what's wrong with Elsa? Is she still sick? Why isn't she playing with me anymore?"

"Oh sweetie. Elsa is sick in a different way. In a way that she needs a therapist to help her. We are doing our best to make her feel better so she could come out of her room and play with you again, but it might take some more time than regular flu", Agnarr did his very best to explain the tricky situation his own mind couldn't fully grasp to his five-years-old daughter.

"But papa, if she cannot come out of her room to play with me, could I go in her room to play with her? Or do anything? I miss her so, so, **so** much", Anna's eyes were so full of hope that Agnarr's heart soared for her. _How could he be blessed with such an innocent and kind creature?_

Agnarr glanced Iduna for an approval and then told Anna: "Okay sweetie, how about we go to see your sister now, all of us?"

"Yay! The last one at Elsa's door is a rotted egg!" Anna screamed in delight and started racing with her tiny toddler feet. Agnarr and Iduna pretended to try to race with her, just to see her happy face when she would think she outran them.

After they reached Elsa's door, Agnarr scooped Anna up in his arms and Iduna knocked the door softly. _Iduna was always so gentle with everything. That was one reason he fell in love with her. But now wasn't the time to admire his wife, he had to concentrate on their children._ Elsa answered the knocking with tiny 'come in' and Iduna opened the door.

"Elsa!" Anna cried out immediately when she saw her sister and tried to reach her with her chubby hands while kicking Agnarr's stomach and back. When he saw a delighted look on Elsa's face from seeing Anna, he let the girl down to run to her sister. Anna flung herself on Elsa's neck and the girls giggled together like they always had. It was so good to see Elsa so happy, and interacting with Anna the way she used to.

"I know you're sick and all, but can you please, please, **please** play with me?" and that's where the happiness ended. Agnarr could see Elsa physically withdrawing and her smile turn into a frown. She started hugging herself the way she did when she was upset. It was probably from Anna's misfortunate usage of word 'sick' that fouled Elsa's good mood.

"Anna, you could go play with your mother. Elsa has to study now", Agnarr decided to cut his daughter's interaction before it took turn to any worse. Elsa shouldn't get any more stress on her shoulders than she already had.

"But papa, it's Saturday!" Anna whined.

"Yes, but Elsa has missed a lot of her schoolwork. Go now", Agnarr shooed her daughter, pushing her towards Iduna until Anna willingly took her mother's offered hand and left the room, but now without looking sadly back to Elsa her whole way out.

"Get up, Elsa. We have work to do", he ordered after the door closed. He wasn't lying about the schoolwork, he had every intention to actually use his weekend making up for the lessons Elsa had missed. _Education was important. Especially for the heir to Arandelle Corporation._

_**…**_

After long day of tutoring Elsa, Agnarr was laying on the bed with his wife, feeling satisfied. Elsa was such a bright girl and really fast learner. He was positive that after they fixed Elsa's social anxiety, he could train Elsa to be the best heir the company had ever seen. She had such a promising temperament for it and she was delight to work with. He actually wanted to use more of his own time to help Elsa with her studies instead of the tutors they had hired. So he turned to look at his wife: "Honey, I've been thinking. I could stay home to teach Elsa now that she refuses to see her tutors. Just until the medication and therapy starts working, of course. You could deal with the business for a while on your own, right? I would of course do as much work before and after Elsa's lessons. It would be the best for Elsa, don't you think." _And when had Iduna ever been able to refuse what was best for her daughters?_

* * *

A/N Hey Guest, you asked about Mr. Peterson. I can reveal as much as that he isn't any key character in Agnarr's Company, just someone he has worked with. And he won't sexually abuse Elsa again in this story. Will we see him again? Maybee ;) And thank you for your comments too Mila and FanGirl513, I love reading them.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N **If you're wondering why I skipped a year, it's because I'm writing with similiar timeline to the movie. I went q little more in the details but neverthless, I'm going towards Elsa's adulthood, while telling about her childhood.

**Disclaimer **I don't own these characters :(

**Trigger Warning **It's Elsa's chapter, you probably know by now what to expect.

* * *

A year later, Elsa

_She was standing in middle of the ballroom. All the guests were circling her, trapping her in the middle. She tried to cover her naked body but she just didn't have enough hands. Blood was trickling from between her legs, to the ground. People looked at her, seeing every inch of her, and they were disgusted with what they were seeing. She could hear all the judging whispers 'dirty', 'abomination', 'defective', 'ruined', 'tainted', and then finally 'monster'. The whispers weren't for insulting her, they were for descripting her. She saw her family standing behind the crowd, looking at her with all the disgust and hatred they could muster until leaving the room. When she looked back at the crowd, they all had piercing blue eyes. The circle starter constricting around her and them all started reaching out, to touch her. She tried to avoid their hands, but she couldn't escape. They touched her everywhere and their fingers cut deep gashes everywhere they went. Their nails poked through her skin and started ripping her apart from the inside. One lady with piercing blue eyes took a hold from back of her head and leaned to breathe into her ear. When she whispered, her moaning voice was his: "Oh, you feel so good, Elsa."_

Elsa shot up, gasping for air. Her heart was pounding in her chest and she was all tangled up in her sweaty sheets. She wanted them off of her, they felt too much like the people had, holding her still. She managed to throw the blanket off and stood up on her shaky legs. Elsa had her cozy clothes on: an over-sized blue hoodie, pair of black Nike's running shorts and comfy woolen socks. She paddled towards her big, triangle window, and pressed her sweaty forehead against the cool glass. Elsa knew that she would get complains about the smudge, but right now she didn't care, it felt too nice. Her head was still cloudy and she felt exhausted. She knew it was because of her new medication. _Which one was this now?_ She couldn't remember, there had been so many. There were always new psychiatrics with their new drugs and grand promises how they could cure her. But she couldn't sit a single therapy session without bursting in blind panic and the pills only gave her the side-effects but never the actual relief. She mostly just cheeked the pills her mother gave to her. When she was alone, she spat the pill out and hid them in that secret box hidden under her bed. She had an emergency razor blade there, the pills she stored and other things she didn't want her parents to find. She kept them around, just in case that someday, she would find the courage to end it all.

Her anxiety only grew stronger by each passing day and the only times she felt even relatively calm, was when she was hurting herself. It's not like that Elsa liked pain, but she liked to be the one controlling it. It felt good to know that when she was cutting herself, she could stop anytime she wanted and the pain would also stop. And sometimes, when she was really bad, she hurt herself for a punishment. It felt just right to be the one giving the punishment, because Elsa was the only one who knew the real extent of her crimes, therefore she was the only one who knew what was an appropriate punishment for her. However, these days it was extremely hard to hurt herself like she deserved to be hurt. Her parents made sure she was nowhere near anything even relatively pointy. And every other morning they asked her to show them the places she liked to cut herself. Her parents didn't like her hurting herself, but that was only because they were unaware of her sins. She had to get creative with causing pain for herself. One good one was strangling herself with sheets or clothes on the verge of passing out. It didn't even leave marks that much, so it was easier to hide from her parents.

Distant shrieks of joy pulled Elsa out of her thoughts. She looked around the yard until she could see her sister, Anna, playing in the yard. She was desperately trying to build something out of sand. _Snowman perhaps. Or was it sandman now? Where did Anna even get that sand?_ The day was still bright and the sun was quite high, must be an afternoon. It was late summer day and soon schools would start again. Not that Elsa actually went to a school, nor Anna. They had always been homeschooled. Elsa liked it, though. Usually either of her parents would stay at home, teaching her. But if they had a really busy day, she would study alone. Anna, on the other hand, hated homeschooling. She had been begging their parents to let her go to a school, even a private one. She wanted to start her first real year in school in a real school with real people. Elsa didn't understand Anna's fascination with people.

What she could understand, was the fun Anna was having right now, playing outside. How Elsa longed to join her sister and enjoy warm summer breeze and the feeling of grass under her bare feet. Elsa had went outside only once in a whole year and she got so anxious that she threw up on white snow and never went again. She barely left her room at all, actually. Only to use a bathroom and sometimes for dinners, if her parents insisted hard enough. But she was so nervous the whole time there, that she couldn't utter a single word or stomach even one bite of her food. Not that she had any appetite nowadays either way. Elsa had lost significant amount of weight and Dr. Stoneheart was really worried it would stop her growth. They gave her these strange tasting smoothie things that were supposed to have all the needed nutrients or something. She drank them because it seemed to satisfy her parents. She didn't really care about growing up, or anything else in that matter. Mostly Elsa just slept, if she wasn't studying. Her medication made her drowsy, whenever she took it. Other times Elsa just pretended being sleepy. Elsa didn't really know which she preferred more, sleeping or being awake. Her nightmares were pretty intense and vivid but at least they ended when she woke up, unlike the nightmare she had to live through daily.

Elsa stayed there for a while, watching her sister play, until she felt pressing need to go to pee. Elsa quietly made her way towards the bathroom she shared with her sister, but stopped when she heard noise coming out of her sister's room. Her parents were talking there. _But why? Anna was outside playing. What would her parents do in her room without her?_ Elsa knew she wasn't supposed to eavesdrop but she couldn't help but lean her ear towards the crack of the door, her full bladder long forgotten.

It was her mother's voice she heard first: "-she calls this doll Elsa! It's **made** to look like Elsa! Are you **honestly** trying to tell me that these stiches on its arms are something else than what I think they are? Anna knows, she's seen! We were supposed to keep her **safe** from all of this! Why can't we raise even one normal child, what's wrong with us?" _Normal? Ouch, that hurt. But maybe it was well deserved._

Then father's voice answered: "Nothing's wrong with us, they are fine girls, both of them. Elsa has her problems, but I'm sure she will make a magnificent CEO for Arandelle Corporation one day. She's such a bright girl."

This seemed to only anger mother: "The hell with **you** and **your** stupid company! I'd give it thousands times away, if it only would give me my daughter back!"

"Oh, now it's only my company, right? It was my father's lifework and his father's before him and his father's before him and someday, I'd like it to be our daughter's. Arandelle Corporation has built this whole city out of nothing, the city is even named after our family name. Is it so wrong for me to want my **daughter** to keep up our legacy?"

"Shut up about your legacy and that stupid business. Our 6-years-old daughter is **stitching** arms and legs of her doll which is supposed impersonate her 9-years-old sister, who by the way, likes to **cut** herself with anything sharp she sees! I don't want Anna to be exposed to anything that could harm her mental-health like this. I couldn't stand for Anna to turn out like Elsa, I just couldn't take it anymore, Agnarr", mother's strong voice turned into frail whimper in the end of her ranting. _Turn out like Elsa._ That hurt enough to bring some tears in Elsa's eyes. She felt so shamed for everything. For what she had seemingly done to Anna.

"I'm sorry, darling. You're right. Our daughters are our number one priority. That's why I've been thinking about sending Anna to a boarding school. Before you say anything, hear me out. Anna wanted to go to a real school, where she could make friends and spent time like a regular girl. I know that we have wanted to shield our girls from the negative side of publicity and what not. But the situation has now drastically changed, I think Elsa's mental health may pose far greater risk for Anna's development than anything the outside world could. And with Anna in good hands, we could use more of our time to help Elsa and-"

"Agnarr, honey, you don't have to convince me. I think sending Anna to a boarding school is a great idea. Maybe we have been isolating our children way too much from the outside world in fear what it might do to them, without thinking what this isolation could do to them. What it did to Elsa. I think Anna could learn to like a boarding school, and distance from Elsa and her problems could only do good for her, in long-term."

Elsa didn't stay to listen the rest of the conversation, it was too hard to hold the sobs anymore. She hurried towards the bathroom and locked the door. Then she leaned her back against the closed door and slumped on the floor. Elsa buried her head on her knees and let her whole body tremble with her sobs. _Had she ruined Anna, without even realizing it?_ She truly was a **monster**, corrupting everything she touched. She should have stopped interacting with Anna the moment own innocence was destroyed. She should have known, she should. From this day on, she would stop letting her crimes to lure Anna in the darkness. She would conceal her sins better, she wouldn't feel them, she wouldn't let anyone see them and she would pretend be the good girl she was supposed to be. With that resolution she started washing her hands clean in the sink. It was kind of symbolic for her, washing old dirt away. She kept rubbing her hands until they were aching and raw. Elsa hated dirt. Keeping things clean and shining had become an obsession for Elsa during the year. She had always been neat and tidy, but since she had barely anything to fill out the emptiness inside of her, she had developed obsessive behavior towards things she used to do. She couldn't do things half-heartedly anymore.

Her parents were still talking in Anna's room when Elsa passed it on her way back to her own room. This time she didn't stay to listen. She hurried off towards her room. When she got in, she accidentally closed the door so violently, in order to get away from her parents' voices, that a picture fell from her wall and its glass shattered into million pieces onto her floor. She looked the pieces, frozen, and felt all of her determination shattering like that glass. It was just a piece of art, she couldn't even really remember what the painting looked like, now that it was facing down, but it felt like it broke everything inside of Elsa, nevertheless. She didn't even hear her parents rushing in, at first, so deep in her own spiraling thoughts she was. But then her father said her name and grabbed her shoulder to turn her around. When she did, for a second it wasn't her father touching her. There were piercing blue eyes, instead of teal. The hair was darker, there was beard and the jaw had sharper edges. In unadulterated panic Elsa let high pitched scream: "Don't** touch** me!" And then she stumbled backwards, stepping on the shards until she tripped on her own legs and fell to the ground.

The broken glass was cutting her hands and legs while she sat on it, but it she didn't even feel it. All Elsa could think about was how utterly broken her father looked, now that she could see that it was her father again. She tried to soften the blow with soft 'please', but Elsa didn't think it helped any, the damage was already done. She had ruined yet again one person, just by letting him touch her devil's body. _Why did people insist touching her, when all she brought to them was pain and misery?_ It would be better for Anna to leave, she could see it clearly now. It would be better for everyone if they all left her. _She was a bad omen, a mangled goods rotting everything around her._ She would have cried, but her tears had already dried out at this point. Crying wouldn't make things better, nothing could. Only thing left to do, was to try to chain her damaging nature to stop it from destroying everything around her.

Eventually, Elsa got up. She hurried past her shaken parents, and dodged her mother's cautious hand trying to reach her. She hastily moved towards the bathroom. Elsa knew she would have to clean these small cuts before her mother would insist doing it for her. From this day on, she would take care of her own wounds, she wouldn't risk anyone else get infected from her wicked blood. No more would Elsa answer her sister's knocking on her door, pleading Elsa to play with her. No, she would not risk hurting Anna with her own badness. Elsa would play the role of a good girl, she had to. But she knew that the monster inside of her would never let her actually be one.

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**A/N **I hope you liked this chapter! I know that Anna hasn't really had a role in this story but the next chapter will be in her POV. See you soon!


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N** Here it is, finally Anna has some role in this story and you get to see her thoughts and views. It's the longest chapter at this point, so maybe it makes up a little how lacking her character has been until now.

**Disclaimer **I don't own these characters :(

**Trigger Warning **Quite tame chapter yet again.

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10 years later,

Anna

It was early summer, the weather was still kind of chilly. Anna was laying on the grass and throwing a ball for their white mittelspitz Olaf. Technically, he was Elsa's dog, but Elsa wasn't coming out of that room to play with him any time soon. Anna remembered begging for a dog when she was a kid, but did she ever get one? Absolutely no! Elsa didn't even have to ask, their parents just got her one to "keep her company". Like a dog would make any difference for a girl who only ever spoke with her parents and occasionally exchanged polite words with the help and her sister.

Anna hated coming back to home for holidays and summer. Though, it barely felt like a home anymore. She had spent best part of her life away from there. Every time, she would be mind-numbingly bored and lonely. All her friends were from her boarding school or from that area, her parents would spent all their time either working or with Elsa, and well, her sister still didn't talk to her. _What did she ever do to her anyway?_ The way Anna remembered it, they had used to be best friends, and then Elsa had just shut her door and never spoke to her again. She missed the sisterly bond they used to have, dearly, but she was also ashamed to admit that she was jealous of her sister. _Who was jealous of a girl who couldn't even leave her own room? Anna was._ Elsa always got all the attention of their parents, while Anna was shipped off to some boarding school. It always felt like everyone was busy pushing Anna aside, so they could deal with her sister. _Why was Elsa always so much more important than her?_

And why did she have to come back to here to witness her silver place in their parents' heart all over again. Her life was elsewhere. There she was cared and she mattered and her handsome prince was waiting for her. Oh, how she already missed Hans. He was so handsome, smart, charismatic and the one for her. _What then if he was a little bit older and they had just met? Things like that didn't matter when it was about true love._ She felt sad knowing that her sister wouldn't ever experience love like Anna had. She would have to come out from her room for that, and Anna knew that she never would.

Anna woke up from her day dreaming when her phone started to vibrate. Hans had sent her a message! Her heart was fluttering when she opened the text.

Hansie3: _Hey babe! Have you told your parents about us yet?_

She hadn't, her parents had barely spoke a word to her for the whole start of summer she had been home. So she just answered: _Not yet, they've been busy :(_

Hansie3:_ But I miss you soooo much! I can't wait for whole summer to end to see you again._

Anna's heart made leaps in her chest for Hans' reply. She couldn't wait for whole summer neither. But before she could reply, Hans sent her another text.

Hansie3: _How bout I get there tonight? We could meet in secret, your parents wouldn't have to know yet ;)_

Anna was quite tempted. She really wanted to see Hans again, but what if her parents found out she was sneaking around with a university student, and without telling them anything. She felt kind of nervous about that: _I don't know. What if we get caught?_

Hansie3: _C'mon Anna, where's your sense of an adventure? It'd be so romantic 33_

Hans was right, it would be so romantic. _When had her parents cared about her doings anyway?_ So she answered, biting her lip with anticipation: _'Kay. At 12pm, beach?_

Hansie3: _It's a date then babe, I can't wait ily 33_

Anna just texted a fast 'I love you too' back, threw her phone and squealed with pure glee. Olaf ran to lick her face and she wrapped him in a tight hug and jumped circles, so excited she was.

…

Anna could barely contain herself when she sat at the dinner table. She was going to have a date with her dream prince tonight. Oh, maybe he would even purpose! Of course they couldn't get married yet, since Anna was only 15-years-old, but they could plan their wedding until she was eighteen and then get married, she was so excited. She couldn't sit still and her parents started noticing. But they were quickly distracted when Elsa came in the room. Her platinum hair was tied in tight bun, she had blue, long knitted turtle-neck sweater that had cuts on the sides and under there were long sleeves, and white skinny jeans. Elsa was absolutely beautiful sight, but she sure didn't carry herself as one. Elsa was hugging herself and looked like she either was in pain, or tried to suck all of her inside and cease to exist.

"Sit down, sweetie. It's so nice that you decided to join us after all, Elsa, we really appreciate it", her mother praised gently._ Great, Elsa got praises just for existing in the same room now. Anna wasn't jealous, really._ Instead of basking in the praise like Anna would have, Elsa just nodded and smiled tightly to their mother before sitting down.

Now that Elsa had finally granted them with her presence, they could start to eat. Well, at least Anna and their parents could, Elsa barely seemed to touch hers. No wonder she was so skinny. Anna would have got scolded for pushing her food around like that, but her parents just seemed to marvel in how well Elsa was behaving for not eating in her own room. _Anna loved her sister and only wanted the best for her, but could their parents stop making it so painfully obvious who was their favorite?_

Father broke the silence that had fell in the room: "So there was a reason we asked you to come eat with us, Elsa, we know it's hard for you. But we wanted to tell you both at the same time that we are leaving for a business trip with your mother tomorrow. We know it's kind of last minute, but it's really urgent and we had to get flights as soon as possible. It's only for two weeks and then we can keep enjoying the rest of our summer as a family."

_Okay, that last line was such a lie. When had they enjoyed **anything** as a family?_ But Anna didn't want to be difficult now, so she planted a sweet smile on her face, and said brightly: "Well then, see you in two weeks!" For that Anna earned a warm smile from mother and a proud stroke on the cheek from father who was sitting opposite of her._ It was worth it to be good a daughter sometimes._

Elsa, on the other hand, looked more nervous than usually. She quietly,_ Anna had noted that Elsa did everything so quietly_, lowered her fork on the table and looked up to their parents. With wavering voice she uttered the first words Anna had heard from her during the summer: "Do you have to go?"

"You will be fine, Elsa", their father answered with gentle voice. He looked like he wanted to reach out for Elsa, but nobody was allowed to touch her, even Anna knew that. Those words ended the conversation. Elsa excused herself demurely and left the room. Her plate left untouched. Did her sister have anorexia? Was that why she didn't come out of her room? Her parents refused to explain anything about Elsa's condition and Elsa herself obviously didn't talk to her about anything. _Well, whatever. At least she would get to see Hans tonight._

_**…**_

The date had been wonderful so far. She had sneaked out of the house without anyone noticing and they had met at the beach. Hans had been so dreamy the whole night. They agreed about everything, had similar experience with siblings as he had twelve, mean older brothers, and he even gave his jacket after she got a little cold. After the dream date, Hans insisted to walk her home. How could she refuse when he was being such a proper gentleman?

When they reached the front door. Anna leaned to kiss Hans softly on the lips and then thanked for the night and was ready to part ways. Hans had other ideas: "I **really** need to use bathroom. Can I come in?"

"You're a guy. Can't you just, you know?" Anna asked, nodding towards bush. Hans' look of pure disgust answered that question.

In the end, Anna had no other choice than let her boyfriend in and point him the direction of the bathroom. Anna felt so nervous watching Hans' back disappear behind the corner of the hallway. Her parents would surely kill her if they woke up now. Anna was distracted from her fears when she heard fast paddling from behind her. It was Olaf. By the time Anna had turned around, he was already jumping against her. Not that Anna wasn't happy to see the dog, but how was he there? He always slept upstairs in Elsa's room. If Olaf was here, then Elsa must have- _oh no!_ Too late, Anna could already hear a shattering glass and her sister's shrilling scream. There was no way Anna could ran there and quiet Elsa down before their parents' woke up, but she tried nevertheless.

From the sound Elsa was making, one would think that Hans would at least be gutting her with a dull knife. But when she reached them, it was just Elsa screaming on the ground, surrounded by tiny pieces of broken glass and spilled water. She was violently rocking herself against the wall, while Hans just stood there with his hands up and shocked face. He looked like he had absolutely no clue what to do and frankly, neither had Anna. She didn't have to because at that point their parents were running towards them to see who was murdering their child.

"What on **earth** happened? And **who** the hell is this guy? Anna!" his father's bewildered voice boomed in the hallway. Anna didn't have time to form any words before her father kneeled on Elsa's level and shifted his full focus on trying to calm Elsa down with his words, since he could not touch her without stressing her even more.

Mother, on the other hand, still had some time left for Anna and Hans: "Anna, I want you to see your friend out immediately. We **will** talk about this later. You can be sure about that." And then she also turned her attention to Elsa, who had finally stopped screaming and was currently having a full blown panic attack. It was quite scary actually. Anna didn't remember ever seeing anyone having a panic attack. She spared one last glance to her poor sister and then took Hans' arm in order to lead him out. She was wondering what had happened. _Did Hans touch her? Is that what happened if someone touched Elsa? Was Elsa autistic or something, and oversensitive for touching because of that?_ It was all so confusing and nobody ever explained her anything.

Anna said her goodbyes to Hans. She was too upset about what had happened to Elsa to even look him in the eyes while sending him off. After that, Anna decided to go back to the hallway and apologize for causing a scene and bringing Hans there without asking. However, the scene hadn't ended while she was away and soon she started hear her parents' raised voices.

"Well **do** tell me, how do **you** expect me to get her upstairs **without** touching her? Does she look like she's getting up and walking there herself anytime soon, for you? Yeah, didn't think so!"

"Just **carry** her! Do you think it matters at this point? She can't possibly get any worse."

It wasn't nice to hear her parents arguing. Anna wasn't used to it since she had mostly grew apart from her family. But at least the arguing stopped after her mother's last reply and then the only noise Anna could hear, was her sister's loud sobbing, gasping for air and then screaming again. Soon she could see her parents coming towards the stairway and Anna moved from their way. Father was carrying Elsa who seemed to be fighting for her life, and mother was hurrying behind them. They passed Anna without as much as a glance and went straight for Elsa's room. When Anna could hear the door shut, she went after them. She decided to wait for her parents to calm Elsa down and come out to give her a lecture, so she sat down against the wall, next to Elsa's door. _How many times had she knocked that door and asked her sister to come out and play with her? And how many times Elsa had told her to go away?_ She was used to being shut behind doors, but it was totally new kind of torture to be forced to listen her sister cry her heart out behind the said door and knowing that it was all her fault. If she hadn't let Hans in, he would never have bumped into Elsa, and she would now be happily sleeping in her bed, instead of doing whatever she was doing there with their parents now. The guilt threated to crush her under its weight, and Anna started sobbing. _How could she be so reckless and stupid?_

Anna woke up from the clicking of a door and something moving on top of her. It was Olaf, the little fella was sleeping on her but got up to go in Elsa's room after their parents opened the door. Her parents came out of the room, quietly, and looked at her confused.

"Anna, what are you still doing here? Why are you sleeping on the hallway?" mother asked.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean any of this. I'm sorry", Anna started sobbing again.

"Shh now. Let's go talk about this in your room. We just got Elsa to calm down, we don't want to upset her any further now", mother shushed. Anna couldn't do anything else than agree with a nod and follow her parents, sniffling.

They let Anna sat on her bed, before starting scolding her: "What on** earth** were you thinking? **How could you** just let some** random man** in **our **house without telling us **anything**? And **on top** of everything, you let that man scare Elsa almost into her early grave."

"I'm sorry about Elsa, mother. But Hans is not a stranger. He's my true love. He didn't meant to scare Elsa, he didn't know. Heck,** I** didn't know, because you never told me!" Anna started apologetic, but then got mad at middle of her sentence.

"This conversation isn't about Elsa now. This is about you and your behavior. If Hans is your true love, how come you haven't mentioned him even once? How old is he even? He looked **way too** old to be hanging around with a teenager", her mother said sternly._ Of course the conversation wasn't about Elsa! The only time everything wasn't circling around Elsa, was when Anna had screwed something up._

"I haven't mentioned him because **you're** never here! When you **are** home, it's** all** about Elsa. I've been home **for weeks** now, but you have barely talked to me! At what time was I supposed to tell? And would have you even listened if I told you about **my** life? Because frankly, I think **the only** time you are interested in my life, is when I screw something up!" Anna yelled.

Now her father joined the arguing: "Watch it, young lady. Of course we care about you and your life. We love you just as much as we love your sister. Elsa just needs a little more of our attention. You have your school and your friends, people you can talk to and who support you. Elsa has no one beside us."

"Of course I understand that Elsa needs you! But sometimes** I** need you too. You never spend any time with me! You shipped me off to a boarding school so I would be out of Elsa's way. Would it kill you to even once make time just for me?" Anna had started crying again at this point. She had never told about these feelings to her parents before. And even now, she felt a little selfish saying them.

Her father looked like she had hit him: "Anna, darling, **of course** we didn't sent you there because of that. We wanted you to have a normal life and normal experiences that you couldn't get here. And don't you change the subject anyway. Who is this Hans? And how old is he?"

"Of course you dodge all the complaints of me not having enough of your time because you both know it's the truth. I've never been your first priority! But now suddenly my boyfriend is such an interest for you. Age is just a number, anyway. It doesn't matter, if it's true love!"

"Who is he and how old, Anna?" her father's slow voice was tense and warning.

"Hans and twenty, I guess. But it really doesn't matter, we belong together", Anna was desperately trying to make her parents understand.

"You know **nothing** about true love. You will **never** see this Hans, **ever** again. You will cut all the contact with him and forget this nonsense about true love. End of discussion. Also, you're grounded for the time of our trip. You won't go anywhere and no one will come here. Good night, Anna", and with that, her parents just left.

Anna got a pillow from her bed and threw it towards the closed door and screamed in frustration into another one. After she had screamed her anger out, she laid down on her bed and started crying for her broken heart. _Why was life so unfair?_ After crying for some time she heard soft paddling behind her door and turned to look at there, sniffling. _Was it her mother, coming to cuddle with her with gently words?_ Usually Anna would be excited about getting some attention, but now she wasn't sure she was ready for that yet. Anna was still extremely mad at her parents. Nobody opened the door, though. Instead someone just slid an envelope from under the door. _That's weird._ Confused Anna got up and cautiously picked the piece of paper to examine it. The envelope didn't read anything, but there seemed to be a letter inside of it. It was just a small paper that had the neatest handwriting Anna had ever seen. It read: _I'm sorry that I got you in trouble and I'm sorry you're so upset. I want you to sleep with Olaf this night. Cuddling him always make me feel a little better. He's sitting behind your door, waiting._

There was no name on the letter, but it wasn't hard to guess who had sent it. She opened the door and there Olaf really was, just waiting and wagging his tail. She invited Olaf in and courage him to jump on the bed with her. Then she cuddled the dog and pressed her face against his soft fur. His presence did made her feel so much better. Not only because he was so nice to cuddle with, but because Elsa had really thought of her, and cared enough to try to make her feel better. Anna wished it would always be like that, and she could actually reconnect with the sister she missed so much. Maybe Elsa would finally open her door and they would be best friends again. With such a hopeful mindset, she was eventually lulled into happy dreams where she and Elsa were together like they used to when kids.

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**A/N **I wanted to bring out how left out Anna feels from her family. Even though Elsa is clearly struggling, she's still having this special bond with their parents that Anna can't seem to reach. I was quite inspired from Frozen's deleted song 'Just a Spare'. I hoped you liked Anna's POV. I know she might seem a little bratty, but she's just a neglected teenager. She has her own problems who no one seems to have time for, because they're too busy with Elsa's bigger ones.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N** Hey FanGirl513, you're not wrong. I took kinda long jump to get here, that's because Frozen doesn't really give me that much material for their early years. There's only so many chapters I can write about Elsa's struggling without moving a plot at all, before it gets boring for you to read. And I, too, love Elsa being cute and showing that she cares, in her own way! And Guest, aww, thank you for your words, they really made my day. I hope you'll like this chapter, too.

**Link** If you wanna see how they dress now that they are older, here's a link: post/190534180913/clothing

**Disclaimer **I don't own these characters :(

**Trigger Warning **I don't know if I should warn about triggers at this point anymore. You've already read this story so far and they're kind of like spoilers.

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Anna

Anna had felt quite nervous the whole day. She had decided to disobey her grounding, and go to the party Hans had talked about going to before he returned to home. Anna wasn't even sure if Hans still was in Arandelle, or even in the country, but she had to take her changes. She couldn't let Hans leave before really talking with him, in person. He was still the love of her life, no matter what her parents say. They were still on their business trip and wouldn't get home before tomorrow morning. They would never have to know. She would sneak out in middle of the night, when the staff had left and Elsa was sleeping, it would be alright.

On her way to look at her dinner, which she couldn't not eat because of the butterflies in her stomach, she passed Elsa's door. She did that all the time, but usually it was totally quiet. Now, however, she could hear the saddest and beautifullest- _wait, no, that's not right_\- the most beautiful melody coming from her room. The melody lured her towards itself like a siren. Anna could not help, but press her ear against the door and close her eyes while listening Elsa playing her cello. Anna quietly sat down, so she could only concentrate on the music. Elsa was such a talent with everything she did. It was such a shame that she could never perform in front of people, because hiding this kind of talent should be a crime. Anna had never been good with any instruments. She had been put on flute lessons when a child, but she couldn't ever learn the proper way to hold her lips, and she certainly didn't have any patience to keep learning. Elsa, on the other hand, didn't seem to have anything else but patience to learn. Maybe that was a perk of being locked up in one room for her whole life.

After the rambling inside of her heard finally stopped, she could fully listen again. Anna had never been as moved by the music. It felt like Elsa was pouring all the sadness she had ever felt out of her system with that melody. It even brought some tears into Anna's eyes, and she got irresistible urge to burst in the room and close her sister in a bear hug, worth of all the hugs she never got to give Elsa. She flattened her palm against the door and called her sister's name with a shaky voice. The playing immediately stopped, and the spell was broken. The room was deadly quiet yet again. Anna sat there a moment longer, listening, but when nothing happened, she got up and left for the dinner.

_**…**_

Anna couldn't help but have this melancholic feeling throughout the rest of the day. It felt kind of like some of that melody was still lingering around the empty halls and she felt lonelier than she had ever felt. She missed her friends and Hans, someone to talk to. She knew she could talk to Elsa, like she used to when she was a child, but she would never get an answer, and that kind of conversation just wasn't enough for her anymore. She could Skype with her friends, but it seemed to make her even sadder these days. Seeing them having all the fun without her, and not being able to hug them through the computer screen, it was hard. Maybe seeing Hans today would help._ He would still want to talk to her, right?_ The break up would only be temporal, until her parents would understand that it was true love.

Anna glanced the clock, it was almost mid night already. Elsa was surely asleep at this point,_ what would she do up at this hour anyway?_ Anna changed her cozy clothes, a track team t-shirt and some grey sweatpants, for ripped skinny jeans, oversized plaid shirt, an olive t-shirt under it, and a beanie. She looked at herself in the mirror and decided that she looked cute enough without looking like she had put too much effort. Then she quietly sneaked in the garage and looked for the keys of her scooter. Her parents had already bought her one, even though she couldn't get her license until July, when she turned sixteen. It was fine, she knew how to drive one, and her parents had let her practice in the yard. _What was the worst thing that could happen anyway?_ Anna put ear buds in, typed the address in Google Maps, put her phone in her pocket, put a helmet on, started the scooter and left for the party.

When she arrived at the house where Hans had said the party would be, Anna felt really nervous. The house was full of life and she saw multiple cars parked around. _Was she the only under-aged one here, would they even let her in?_ Well, it turned out that going in wasn't hard at all, she just opened the door and walked in. She was trying to find Hans, but that wasn't as easy as getting in had been. The house was packed and the lights were dimmed and everyone seemed to be quite drunk. It was actually a little scary, Anna had never been around so many drunks. She had drank one beer once, together with her friend back at the boarding school.

She was almost walking backwards until she hit somebody: "Uhh, excuse me."

"Can **you** watch out a little?" a rude, tall boy with strong shoulders and blonde hair snapped at her.

"I'm just looking for my boyfriend. He has red hair and sideburns. Really handsome. Have you seen him?" Anna decided to ignore his snapping and ask for some help. She really wanted to find Hans.

"You look a little **young** to be drinking", the blonde completely ignored her question and started looking at her, quite disapproving way, to be exact.

"I'm **not** drinking", Anna denied. "I just want to find my boyfriend, Hans."

"You look a little young to be dating anyone here. Do tell me, how old is this Hans?" wow, this guy had some serious nerve to talk to a stranger like that.

"**Excuse you**, the age doesn't matter, when it's about **true love**", Anna was getting a little mad now.

"True love you say,** sure** it is. How long have you known him?" the blonde seemed to completely ignore all of her cues about him crossing the line there.

"I mean, we've seen each other twice, but it's like I've known him all of my life", Anna answered dreamily.

"Twice? Are you nuts or something? You can't tell if it's true love after meeting him** twice**. Didn't your parents ever warn you about strangers?" the blonde exclaimed, looking a little shocked about her reveal.

Anna eyed the boy suspiciously and backed away a little: "They did." But then she continued, all the distrust thrown away. "But **Hans** isn't a stranger, he's my soulmate!"

The blonde seemed to roll his eyes for that: "He is? Well, what is his last name?"

"Uhh, Southern-Isles?" Anna tried to sound confident. _That was their company's name, right? Anna's last name was the same as their company's name. How was she supposed to remember his last name anyway, he was just Hans for her._

"Hans Southern-Isles, sure. Best friends name?" the blonde didn't seem to really believe her, but moved to the next question anyway.

"Probably Emil", _wasn't all guys named Emil?_

"Eye color?"

"Dreamy", _what if she didn't really remember his exact eye color? She still remembered how wonderful his eyes were._

"Okay, yeah. It's surely **true** love. That's why he isn't just making out with another girl up there", the blonde said and pointed behind her.

"Wait what?" Anna asked confused and turned to look at the direction the blonde was pointing at. And there she saw it. On top of the stairway, Hans was having a wrestling match with tongues, with some nice looking girl in a short skirt and red tank top.

Anna felt crushed, and then she felt mad. She stormed her way to upstairs, ready to demand some explanations. She grabbed Hans' arm and pulled him in the bathroom nearby, locked the door and started demanding answers from confused Hans. At first, Hans tried the act of innocent, but when Anna didn't fall for it, his sad face turned into a smirk. Now it was Anna's turn to feel confused.

"Oh Anna. You're** such** a stupid, gullible, **little girl**. Did you** honestly** thought **I** loved you? That **anyone** could love you?" Hans asked cruelly.

Anna tried to stutter something, but Hans kept going: "I'm the thirteenth son, there's no change I would ever get to be the CEO of Southern Isles company, or even get significant share of it. My best change is to marry into a rich family and what would be better than Arendelle's **great** family with a **beautiful** daughter, almost my age. Of course Elsa was a little hard to reach for, but luckily, she happened to have a little sister, so **desperate** for someone, that she fell in love with me **just like that**. Then I just had to use you to get to know Elsa. But the only time I managed to see her, she started screaming a bloody murder immediately when I tried to touch her. No one is getting anywhere with her and you're so useless that your parents would rather entrust their company in the hands of a girl who can't even manage to leave her own room. I'm just so sick and tired to pretend to like you, when in reality, I can't stand to even be near to such a **useless person**. So, it was nice meeting you, Anna, I hope **I'll** find someone **better** one day. Bye!"

And with that, Hans left. Anna was too shocked to do anything. She just stand there, her mouth hanging a little, and tears pouring down her cheeks. _Maybe Elsa was the lucky one after all, never having to experience "love" like Anna had._ That thought made her cry even harder. She started running for the exit, trying to hide her face. She saw Hans with some other guys snickering at her and the blonde boy trying to reach for her with a sympathetic look on his face, but she ignored it all. When she finally got out and reached her scooter, she didn't wait for another second before starting it, and driving back home.

* * *

**A/N **Not a long one, I struggled a little with this. I didn't enjoy writing this as much as my other chapters, but I knew I had to do it, because this one has actually quite some impact on the story, which you'll see in the next one. See you then!


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N** Guest: I really liked how you said that Anna opened her door wide open for hurt. That was really well said. And Mila, I couldn't not give Kristoff even a small role. But there won't be any romance between the two right now, because of Anna's age, I wouldn't feel comfortable writing that. Maybe they will meet again sometime later, though ;)

**Disclaimer **I don't own these characters :(

**Trigger Warning **Elsa's POV, so the usual

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Elsa

It was almost three at the morning. Elsa was laying on her bed in her oversized hoodie, running shorts and knee-length woolen socks. She was squeezing her phone in her hands, and had been for quite some time. She had heard Anna leave at the middle of the night while Elsa had been painting. At first, she had thought that Anna had just went outside to have some fresh air, but then she had heard the garage door being opened and some kind of motor starting. Elsa had ran out of her room towards a window that would give her a view of the driveway. She had gotten there just in time to see Anna driving away with her new scooter. Elsa had felt the dread building up in her stomach. _What was she supposed to do?_ She had paced around the hallway, waiting for Anna to come back to her senses and return, but that never happened. Then she had grabbed her phone and tried to decide whether she should call her parents or not. She had really wanted to but then she had realized that her parents were most likely on the plane. _Should she call the police then?_ She still hadn't made that decision.

Elsa was so worried that something bad had happened. Anna didn't even have a license. M_aybe the police had caught her and they were just trying to call the parents. Or maybe Anna had been in an accident and was currently laying on her own blood, dying and waiting for Elsa to call some help._ Her whole body was now shaking, and she was trying to find some courage to call 112. She was already rehearsing her lines, when she heard the front door open downstairs. Elsa almost started sobbing from the relief and she dropped her phone. She got up from her bed and ran to her door, pressing her ear against the door. She just wanted to be sure, that it truly was Anna.

Soon she could hear loud crying coming towards, until eventually passing her door. Hearing her sister cry her heart out made Elsa's own ache with grief, and she had to crack her door a little to see Anna. She quietly peaked out and gasped when she saw some blood on Anna's path. She couldn't stand the idea of her sister being hurt. She saw Anna disappearing in her own room, but the crying didn't quiet down at all. _Where was mother when she was needed the most?_ Elsa didn't know what to do. She couldn't just leave her sister there, crying alone. _What if she really was badly hurt?_ Elsa couldn't live with herself if Anna died there, when Elsa was too much a coward to go to help her. _But what could Elsa do? She didn't know how to make anything better._

In sheer determination, Elsa marched towards the bathroom in order to get the first aid kit. She tried to remember how her mother used to take care of her wounds. She got the kit and started going towards Anna's door, unsure. _Would Anna even want her there? Would she yell at her to go away, like Elsa always had? It didn't matter, she had to do this._ With all the courage she could muster, she knocked the door. The loud sobbing quieted down, but there was no invitation for her. She could call Anna's name, knock again or just try to open the door. She opted the last one. Gently she pushed the door handle down and opened the door.

Anna's room was such a mess, there were clothes everywhere and nothing was in the order. _How was that even possible? She knew for sure that Gerda cleaned Anna's room almost every day._ Elsa felt terrible need to start cleaning, but that urge was pressed down when she saw her sister. Anna was half-sitting on her bed, looking at her with wide eyes, which were puffy and red from all the crying. Her left leg was covered in dried blood down the knee and there were some smaller scratches and blood on all her limbs.

Elsa put her free hand on her mouth and gasped: "Anna, what happened?"

Anna seemed to be so bewildered from Elsa's presence, that she barely registered her question. Somehow, she still managed to answer with slow, even voice: "I fell."

Elsa took cautious steps towards Anna, who sat all the way up and threw her legs on the side of the bed. Elsa got down on her knees to examine the wounds and then said: "We need to clean this out. Take off your pants, I'll get some water." And with that Elsa got up and left.

When Elsa came back with a bowl of water, Anna was sitting on the exact same spot, but just on her t-shirt and some shorts. Elsa got back down on her knees and started carefully cleaning the wound. Anna was hissing and sobbing and curling her toes in order not to move in pain. Elsa wasn't sure how to help her sister in her suffering, so she started thinking what would mother do. She would probably talk to Anna with her gentle voice, but Elsa wasn't that good with words, so she settled with humming softly their mother's lullaby. It actually seemed to work, since Anna stopped squirming and whimpering. Elsa could see from corner of her eye that Anna was watching her curiously, it was making Elsa feel self-conscious. However, she ignored it and kept humming while cleaning the wound. After some time, Anna started singing the lyrics. That made Elsa's head shot up in surprise and for the moment the sisters just looked at each other while Anna was singing. When Elsa returned to her task of humming and cleaning the knee, she noticed that the wound wasn't nearly as bad as it had looked. It wasn't even bleeding anymore. And when it was completely clean, Elsa closed her eyes and leaned in to kiss the injury softly, like mother used to do when Elsa was a child.

When she looked back up, Anna looked absolutely shocked. Elsa just pursed her lips, got up, and made space to herself next to Anna. She looked straight into Anna's eyes and asked: "Now, tell me what really happened."

Anna looked surprised and a little edgy when she denied: "I don't know what you are talking about."

"Anna, I know I haven't always been there and that I haven't been a good sister to you, but you can tell me anything. I would never judge you. It hurts me when you are hurting", Elsa said gently while hesitatingly putting a comforting hand on Anna's tight_. Where did she find all of this courage?_

This seemed to undo Anna. She threw herself back against the pillows and started weeping her story: "It's Hans. I thought we were meant to be, but then he told me how he didn't like me, that he just wanted to use me to get to close to you and to our company or something. He told me that I was so useless that my parents would rather give the company to a girl who can't leave her own room than to me. I mean, I know that I'm not as smart or bright as you, but it still hurt. How could I be so **stupid** and naïve to trust him?"

It was just too much for Elsa. She got up and without a word, she hurried out of the room while Anna yelled after her that she was sorry. Elsa almost tripped on Olaf when running back to her own room. She quickly locked the door and started searching the box under her bed. When she found it, she almost ripped it open and got the razor blade out. She just hold it in her fingers and leaned her back against the bed. She tried to block the memories from flashing in her eyes, but she could not. Her breathing was heavy and she had started crying without noticing it. Then she focused on the blade. _How easy would it be, just press the blade against her wrist and cut deep enough to make her bleed out? She kind of wanted to do it. But she couldn't, not now when her sister needed her. If she didn't help her sister to deal with her guilt, she could end up as Elsa had._ Elsa would never let that happen to her sister, ever. She would do **anything** to stop it from happening, even tell her own darkest secret. Elsa put the blade gently back and took few minutes to calm herself, before getting up and going back to Anna's room.

When she knocked the door and opened it, Anna shot up on her bed and started apologizing for upsetting Elsa. Elsa was having none of it, so she raised her hand to quiet Anna while she walked in the room, Olaf on her heel. Her voice was stern when she spoke up: "You have **nothing** to be sorry about, you didn't do anything wrong. Not to me and not with Hans. You must never blame yourself for other's cruelty."

"How can you say that? If I wasn't so **desperate** to be loved, he would have never managed to hurt me like that", Anna reasoned.

Elsa sighted deeply, _it was now or never._ She started picking up Anna's clothes and fold them, just to keep her hands busy. And then she broke the vow she had kept so long: "Anna, do you remember Mr. Peterson? He worked for father or something, when we were kids."

Anna looked confused, trying to figure out where this conversation was going. She shook her head for no and Elsa turned her attention back to the clothes before going on: "He used to give me all kind of stuff. Once he gave me a beautiful seashell, I thought it was the most wonderful thing anyone had ever given me. I really liked him, I thought he thought I was somehow special. It made me feel really good, I really liked him and trusted him."

Elsa glanced Anna again for a second, Anna was frowning now. Elsa kept folding and talking: "You remember that last business gathering we ever had?" Anna nodded slowly and Elsa kept going. "In that party, I wanted to get some chocolate for us. We had already ate our share, but I was terribly graving for some more. Mr. Peterson was there. He told me he would give me some sweets, if I would just show him our room. We shared one back then." At this point, telling the story was getting extremely hard for Elsa. Her throat felt like constricting, her hands were shaking and she had to take some deep breaths to calm herself down.

Elsa wouldn't stop now, she had already committed in it. She kept going with shakier voice, without a glance towards her sister: "I couldn't see anything wrong with that. I trusted him and I really wanted those treats, so I took his hand and led him to our bedroom. After we got in, he locked the door." Telling the story was now physically hurting her. She had stopped folding the clothes and was now hugging herself, back turned to Anna. Elsa couldn't bear to see her sister right now, but she kept going anyway. "I was confused. Why would he do that? It was so easy for him, **I** made it so easy for him. That night he hurt me in the ways that I couldn't even imagine being hurt, back then. He told me to never tell anyone or he would have to punish me. I wasn't afraid of the punishment, though. How could he possibly hurt me any more than he already had? It was the guilt that actually kept me quiet. **I** was the one, who trusted in him, who invited him in. It's all on **me** and the guilt still eats me alive, to this day."

Elsa had to take some calming breaths before she could muster up all the courage that was left, and turn around to face Anna. Her whole body was trembling in fear what she would see on her sister's face. Disgust? Hatred? There was neither, only pure sorrow. Anna looked at her with such a compassion that a sob escaped her mouth. Then Anna whispered woefully: "Oh Elsa, I'm so sorry."

Elsa had to turn Anna her back again and keep cleaning to gain her voice back: "I didn't mean to make this all about myself. I just wanted to tell you, that blaming yourself will only get you locked in your own room with your own fears and guilt, eating away everything you are, bite by bite. I don't want that for you."

"And** I** don't want that for **you**!" Anna had crept next to Elsa, and was now stilling her hands with her own. Elsa was so focused on their hands joining, that she barely heard Anna's next question: "Elsa, do our parents know?"

Elsa shook her head a little for no, while swallowing a lump in her throat, she couldn't find her voice again. Anna sobbed her name out and wrapped her frail body in a tight, comforting hug, and for the first time in ten years, Elsa let anyone hug her. Elsa even softly pressed her head against her sister's shoulder and hugged her back a little. Anna knew her secret and she still was willing to be in the same room as her, _she must be the kindest person alive._

Eventually, Anna broke the hug and put her palms on Elsa's cheeks, making Elsa look at her. Then she spoke with the voice so sure, that Elsa could hardly believe it was her sister at all: "What happened to you, wasn't your fault in **any** way. It's all his. There's **nothing** you could have done to excuse what he did to you. I'm so sorry that you had to go through all of that alone. From this day on, you won't have to be alone ever again, I will **always** be here for you."

That made Elsa weep harder than she remember weeping in quite a long time._ How could her sister be such a good person?_ Anna led her crying sister towards the bed and cuddled her there. Anna pressed her cheek against Elsa's hair and wrapped her arms around her shoulders. Elsa felt like a little child again, her head against Anna's gently raising and lowering chest. Anna started singing their mother's lullaby and stroking the bridge of Elsa's nose with her pinky, just like mother used to do. Elsa joined the singing and suddenly she started feeling calmer than she had in years. After the last note of the song, Anna whispered: "You will have to tell our parents, tomorrow. They love you and they need to know. They would never blame you for that and neither should you. We can't blame ourselves for getting manipulated into trusting bad people who just want to hurt us. I see it now, thanks to you. I love you, Elsa. Let's sleep now, okay?"

Elsa was going to protest, but when she got her mouth open, Olaf jumped on her. She got so spooked that she jumped a little. Anna's warm giggling distracted her from spiraling into panic. Elsa looked at her sister and felt so warm and fuzzy that she even covered her own mouth and joined the laugh a little. She felt so good for making Anna laugh, after they had spent better part of their night crying, that she grabbed her dog in an embrace and spoke in deeper voice, the one she used to do when she was a child: "Hi, I'm Olaf and I love warm hugs."

"I love you, Olaf", Anna laughed and hugged the dog while looking straight into Elsa's eyes. Elsa didn't remember the last time she had laughed, let alone acted silly like this. But if it made Anna this happy, maybe she could try to do that more often._ Maybe she wouldn't ruin Anna, if she tried hard enough. And maybe everything would turn out alright. Elsa hadn't felt this content since she was a little girl and she was more than a little nervous about going to sleep and losing this feeling. How she wished she could freeze this moment._

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**A/N **Jeez, I've been waiting so long to write this chapter. I had really hard time committing for the exact plot because it kept changing in my mind. Some of this was thought out when I still had a scene where Hans had attempted to rape Anna, but I didn't end up going with that because it didn't really work out with the story or the characters and I didn't like it, but I still wanted to keep the scenes in this chapter. It might not be the most logical chapter out there, but I liked it, and I really felt the need to write it. I hope you like it too!


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N** Only one chapter after this. Jeez, it has all gone so fast. I don't know how the hell I've managed to post a chapter every single day. Probably because you've all been so encouraging, thank you so much. I love reading your thoughts about the chapters. Anyway, I'm going to be quite busy this weekend, so not sure if I'll get the last one out then, but we'll see. I hope you like this chapter!

**Disclaimer **I don't own these characters :(

**Trigger Warning **Implications for a child's sexual abuse, symptoms of PTSD, violence, you know the thrill

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Agnarr

Agnarr was sitting at the backseat of the car with his wife. Usually he would make some kind of small talk with his good friend and their driver, Kai, but now Agnarr felt way too exhausted for that. The business trip had been rough, and not only because of all the work they had to do. It was hard to just spend time with just Iduna. Almost all their conversations seemed to end in a fight because they were both so emotionally drained, and had no one else to unleash all that built up anger and frustration. Elsa had been the center of their lives so long that it was quite hard to be together with just each other. _What was there to talk about, if they weren't talking about their daughters?_ He felt bad for letting his marriage to fall apart like this, but they hardly had time to do anything to fix it. Elsa and Anna needed them and all of their time. Elsa's struggling had always time consuming and now they had to worry about Anna, too. On their trip, Iduna and Agnarr had had some time to talk about Anna's outburst. And the more they thought about it, the more certain they were that they had ignored their youngest way too much in order to tend their eldest. They had always thought that Anna was doing fine and had enough people around her. _But they had always thought that Elsa was fine meeting new people too, and see where that had led them._

The whole ride to home had been quiet and tense but when they got out of the car, Iduna spoke up: "I think we should go to see Anna. We were way too harsh to her and it has bothered me this whole trip. I want to make things up with her now."

Agnarr agreed. He had been bothered by it, too. It had been too harsh to just tell his teenage daughter, who was in love, to never talk to her boyfriend again. Agnarr should have stayed with her and tell her why it wasn't okay for her to date so much older guy, and how worried Iduna and he were for Anna's well-being. But the talk had been in middle of night and after Anna's older friend had caused the worst panic attack in years for Elsa. He should have told Anna to go to sleep and talk about things the next day. But what was done, was done, and now the only thing left, was to go to have a real conversation with his daughter, and try to make things right.

Iduna knocked Anna's door softly when they got there, and a dog started barking in there. Iduna shot him a curious look and slowly opened the door. When they peaked in, Agnarr saw something he would not have expected in million years. _And what a lovely sight it was._ There was his oldest daughter, who hadn't let anyone touch her in years, in her sister's embrace, looking quite content. She was waking up and turning to look at them, while her sister was snoring and drooling next to her in a deep slumber, and their white fur ball was sitting in the middle of that scene. Elsa's eyes widened from the sight of them and all the sleepiness left from her face when she turned to shake her sister awake: "Anna, wake up! Mother and father are here."

"What? I've been awake for hours", Anna mumbled and turned to her side. It was so heartwarming scene that Agnarr could hardly hold his tears. He saw Iduna being in verge of tears also, pursing her lips and squinting her eyes a little.

Finally Elsa seemed to be able to wake her sister up, and Anna turned to look at them. Her whole face seemed to brighten up and she shot up and ran towards them. Anna wrapped her right arm tightly around her mother's waist and grabbed Agnarr's suit to pull him closer. All animosity between them seemed to be long forgotten when Anna was telling them how happy she was that they were finally home. Agnarr was so happy for Anna's nice words that she almost missed his other daughter hesitatingly moving towards them. She stopped when she was near enough to touch and seemed to be unsure what to do next. Agnarr was just looking at her, not knowing what Elsa was looking for, but Anna didn't seem to be confused. She let go of Agnarr and reached her left had towards Elsa, encouraging her to join the hug. And then Elsa did something he could have never even dreamed for, accepted the invite. She mimicked Anna's position with putting her left hand hesitatingly around Agnarr and gently leaning her head against his chest.

Agnarr could feel his heart leaping in his chest, making flips and what not. He was too shocked to do anything but glance his wife, who seemed to be just as astonished as he was. He finally braved himself to gently wrap his own arm around his daughter, in fear of scaring her off. He hadn't been able to hold Elsa in ten years, she hadn't even willingly touched him after that damned painting fell and broke, and there she was, hugging him and her mother and her sister. Agnarr could have died then and he would have died happy. He couldn't stop the happy tears rolling down now. He wasn't the only one, as he could heard Iduna next to him sniffle. However, that seemed to alert Elsa and she quickly backed off, face full of worry that no girl of her age should have.

"What's wrong? Did I do something?" she asked, sounding desperate.

Iduna who had broken the hug with Anna now, looked at their blonde daughter with so much love that it looked painful, before trying to put Elsa's worries in ease: "Of course not, honey. Just being able to be near you after so many years, it feels so good. I don't remember when I've been as happy as I am now. We love you so much, Elsa." And then she turned to look at Anna, before continuing. "And you too, Anna. You both are the most precious things we have ever had."

Agnarr didn't think he had ever lover his wife more than he did then. Elsa seemed to calm down and she let her arms fall on her sides as a sign of inner peace, well as much as Elsa could be in peace. They all just stood there, quiet, for a while. Until Anna decided to break the silence. "There's actually something we want you to know." Then she casted a look towards Elsa and said to her: "Go on, Elsa, tell them. It will all be fine, I promise."

"Anna, no. I can't", Elsa said, sounding miserable again and bringing her arms back up to hug herself.

"Of course you can, I know you can", Anna tried to encourage her sister. But when Elsa still didn't seem to be willing to share whatever there were to be shared, Anna continued: "Okay, well then. I will tell my own story, and then you will have to tell yours before our parents rip me apart from anger. I'm counting on you to save me, Elsa."

Elsa's eyes widened and she frantically shook her head to stop Anna proceeding. _But when had Anna ever stopped doing something she was determined to do?_ And so Anna started her story: "Okay, so. Yesterday I decided to break your rules and go to see Hans at the party I knew he was going-"

"Anna!" Agnarr and Iduna both yelled, shocked.

But Anna didn't let them start a lecture: "Anyway, I waited for midnight so all the help would have left home and Elsa would be sleeping. I didn't want her to snitch on me. So then I took the scooter from garage- Yeah, yeah, you don't have to yell, I know it was stupid, dangerous, illegal and what not. Anyway, I drove to the party, and tried to look for Hans. I bumped into this blonde guy, who by to way was like super annoying. He was like being some kind of love expert and telling me how I couldn't be in love with Hans because I didn't remember his last name or best friend. Like those things were some kind of measurement for a good relationship. But yeah, the point. After we had talked some time with him, he saw Hans **kissing** some other girl and I got really mad. I stormed to Hans and demanded him to explain why would he do that to me. Turns out, he's a huge jerk and only wanted to use me to get his hand on our company. Well naturally, I got upset, he had crushed my heart. I ran out and started driving home. I was crying so hard that I didn't notice a huge bump on the road and I fell- Calm down! I was fine. Just some scratch on my knee and the scooter might have seen better days- Don't yell! I'm sorry okay? Anyway, I got home utterly heartbroken and my knee bleeding, and went straight to my room to cry my heart out. Then Elsa surprised me by coming to my room with first aid kit. I mean, I haven't really seen my sister in ten years and there she suddenly was, cleaning my cuts and singing me mother's lullaby. Then she asked me to tell her what happened and I did. That made her really upset or something and she left, only to come back soon after. Then she told me that I wasn't supposed to blame myself, but I was feeling really bad and didn't agree with her. Then Elsa decided to tell me about her own experience with guilt to make me believe and probably feel a little better about myself, because her story was like **jeez**, and I really believe you should hear it too. Elsa, please help me out now."

Anna ended her long, rambling story, and seemed to offer the mic and the spotlight to Elsa. Agnarr really wanted to have a talk with his youngest about her recklessness, but he was way too curious about what Anna seemed to think Elsa should tell them. _It had something to do with guilt, right?_ Elsa didn't seem to feel committed to continue the story. She withdrew herself even more, kind of like trying to hide herself in her own body. She backed off a little and if Agnarr didn't know better, he'd think she was in horrible pain. He was almost ready to tell Elsa to forget the whole thing, not wanting to upset her into a panic attack, but just then Elsa looked at Anna and her encouraging smile, and seemed to make her choice. Elsa sighed and turned her back on them and started organizing Anna's stuff on top of her drawer. Anna didn't seem to mind. Agnarr knew that this was Elsa's nervous habit, _she was truly going to tell the something that was really bothering her._

Elsa sighed again and started talking, avoiding to look at them: "You remember Mr. Peterson, right?" They confirmed that with a slow nod and confused glances to each other. Where could this be leading to?

Elsa seemed to need some more time preparing herself before continuing: "I really liked him. He used to give me all kind of gifts at the gatherings."

Iduna looked as confused as Agnarr was feeling, but she decided to voice out those feelings: "Honey, I don't remember him ever giving you anything. You barely interacted with him other than being polite."

Elsa gave them a sad smile before continuing organizing and her tale: "Of course you wouldn't remember, he always gave the gifts when you weren't looking. He told me that it was our little secret." Agnarr really didn't like where this story was heading. He had an awful feeling about this. "At the last gathering we ever had, I wanted some sweets. I knew I wasn't supposed to, I already had had my share, but I really wanted some. Mr. Peterson was there. He promised to give me some chocolates, if I took him into my room. I didn't suspect anything, he always gave me things in secret. How would this be any different?"

Elsa's voice broke of and she seemed to need a moment to calm herself. Agnarr could see her hands shaking and she had a pained look on her face. Agnarr was praying for the story to not to go where he thought it was going. Iduna had raised her hand to cover her mouth, and she seemed to be suffering like Agnarr was. Anna only seemed sorrowful. She was sitting on the edge of her bed, absently petting Olaf's fur, her head hanging low. No one dared to break the silence before Elsa decided to continue: "It was though. He had never asked more than a hug or a kiss on the cheek before, but that time he didn't even ask. He just took what he wanted and didn't care how much I pleaded him to stop or told him how much he was hurting me."

The revelation seemed to physically hurt Elsa. She had turned her head even more away from her, lifted her shoulders to reach her ears and was hugging herself so tightly that her knuckles had turned even whiter than they usually were. Agnarr felt sick. So sick that he felt like throwing up._ How hadn't they seen it? It all seemed so obvious now. Why hadn't Elsa said anything?_ Iduna voiced his thoughts again: "Oh honey, why didn't you say anything?"

Elsa let out something between a sob and a sigh, and then let her shoulders drop, looking absolutely miserable. And then she answered, her voice full of regret and agony: "I was too ashamed. I was afraid you would feel disgusted with me. That you couldn't look at me anymore after knowing what I had done. If you would even believe me at all."

After hearing this, Iduna let out an anguished sob and covered her nose and mouth with both of her hands. This seemed to finally make Elsa turn around and look at them. After seeing how pained they were, a look of pure horror seemed to shadow her face. Agnarr couldn't hold his words in a moment longer: "We're so, so, so sorry Elsa. We should have seen. We should have protected you from that. I would give everything I have, if I just could turn time back, and stop that monster hurting you the way he did. Can you ever forgive us, for not being there when you needed us the most?"

Elsa seemed utterly confused by Agnarr's pleading. _How could their baby girl think that they could ever feel disgusted with her? Especially for being abused by someone that they had brought into her life._ Here was no word great enough to describe the guilt and regret Agnarr was feeling.

"You're sorry? You're not mad for me lying, disobeying your rules, and then leading him in my room? Being stupid enough to trust him? You don't think that I- that I deserved it?" Elsa was asking. She looked like she had never thought the possibility of them not blaming her for what happened. That broke Agnarr's heart.

"Oh gosh no! Of course no! Elsa, how can you ask such a thing? What happened wasn't your fault in any way. We were supposed to keep you safe from people like him. We failed you, Elsa, not the other way around. You were just a child, of course you didn't always behave exactly like you were supposed to, but that doesn't mean that you deserved to be harmed in any way. You were such a sweet child, you still are, and we love you so much that it hurts us more than you can imagine to know how much you were hurt. To know, how much it still hurts you", Iduna told Elsa. Her voice breaking from the emotions, but her words as sure as ever.

Elsa looked at Agnarr, trying to figure out if he agreed with her mother. Agnarr wanted to confirm everything his wife had said and more: "Elsa, we could never not love you. We just wish we had seen it, that you had told us, and we could've helped you more. It breaks my heart to know that you went through all of this alone. You're **so** strong, Elsa, but we all need help sometimes. I wish we had been there to help you, but maybe we can now. You've already taken such a huge step forward by telling your sister and telling us. We're so proud of you, **both** of you. We couldn't have wished for better daughters than you are."

Elsa stared at him, tears streaming down her cheeks. She didn't only seem to be sad anymore, she seemed a little touched too. She took an unsure step towards them. This time Agnarr had an idea what Elsa was about to, so he opened his arms wide open and invited Elsa in a hug. The blonde seemed to be encouraged from the gesture, and for the second time that day, she leaped into her parents' arms. Her hug wasn't hesitant and unsure like it had been the last time, but bone crushing embrace, looking for comfort.

When his eldest was securely wrapped in their embrace, Agnarr casted a look towards his youngest. Anna was looking at them from her spot, looking kind of moved. Agnarr gestured Anna to come to them with his hand which was wrapped around Elsa. Anna seemed unsure and motioned herself as if asking if he meant her. Agnarr chuckled lightly and nodded to confirm that. After a moment of hesitation, Anna rushed towards the hugging group, and they made some space for her. Even after everything that had been revealed in that room, Agnarr couldn't have felt more content. For the longest time he felt like everything could turn to be alright.

After a while, Elsa broke the silence: "Papa, mama, what will happen now?"

It had been such a long time when Elsa had called them like that, it felt so much better than a small thing like that should. _What would happen next?_ It was such a good question which for Agnarr didn't have an answer. But what he did know, was the next right thing he had to do.

"You will change and then Kai will take you, Anna and your mother to the police station. There you will report a crime. That bastard should rot in jail for the rest of his life, for what he did to you."

"But honey, why aren't you coming with us? I think Elsa needs all the support now." Iduna looked at him, frowning.

"There's something else I have to do. Elsa, you're so brave, you can do this, I know you can. Your sister and your mother will take so good care of you, they won't let anything bad happen to you ever again. You will handle this, won't you?" he asked and Elsa nodded with determination. Agnarr was so proud of his daughter. He gently stroke her cheek with a thumb and kissed her forehead. _It would all be fine, but he had to go now._

**_…_**

Agnarr was driving like a madman. He knew he had to get there fast or he would explode in his own rage. When he saw the office he knew Mr. Peterson was working in these days, he just pulled his car on the sideway, without caring how many tickets he would get, and stormed into the building. Agnarr ignored all the curious looks he got from the workers there. He was just about to grab some innocent worker and demand him to tell him from where he would find the one he was looking for, but he didn't have to. The devil was standing there, next to the coffee machine, telling some story to his co-worker. Agnarr could only see red when he stalked towards the person who had ruined his daughter's life.

"Hey Mr. Arendelle, what brings you h-", Mr. Peterson started friendly when he saw him coming, but Agnarr stopped him by mid-sentence by pinning him against the wall from his collar.

Everyone seemed a little shocked for this sudden change of events, but Agnarr just pushed harder, chocking the man now. He spat through his teeth with all the venom he could muster: "I employed you, invited you into my home, let you be around my wife and my children, I trusted you, and you do **that** to my daughter? What kind of monster could do anything like **that**? She was just eight-years-old! Eight! And you destroyed her!" He punched him in the face thrice, so hard that his own knuckles probably broke, but he didn't care. Someone was trying to get a hold of him but he just shrugged it off, and threw Mr. Peterson on the floor. He kicked him on the stomach to stop him from getting up. "Did it make you feel powerful? **Huh**?" kick "Did you like her crying, begging for you to stop?" kick "It turned you on, didn't it?" kick "She was so pure and so good!" kick "You were sure you could get away with it, weren't you?" kick "**Answer** me, you piece of shit!" hard kick on the face.

That's how far he got before the security finally got there and stopped him from killing that monster. There were at least four teeth on the floor and his face was barely recognizable, blood was pooling around him. Unfortunately, he was still weakly squirming and whimpering on the floor, which meant that he was still alive, but it was worth it, nevertheless. Agnarr would gladly go to a jail for this.

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**A/N **Surprise! I didn't kill them. I considered it, but in my original idea they were alive and some of these scenes were just something I knew I must write. I couldn't kill them off before doing these scenes. It's actually quite hard for me to grasp that original story anymore, because it came to me at middle of the night when I woke up and had trouble of falling back to asleep, but Elsa's parents finding out stayed strong in my head, I could't let them die without ever knowing.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N** Decided to update the cover in honor of the last chapter. I can't believe that I actually managed to finish a fanfic longer that one-shot, and in English, all the more. Your comments really meant the world for me. Whenever I was feeling unmotivated, I just read them and remembered that there are actually some people out there reading this. Thank you so much! I hope you will like the last chapter of this story!

**Disclaimer **I still don't own these characters :(

**Trigger Warning **The usual

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Elsa

Snow was crunching under Elsa's feet when she was pacing around a yard. It was almost pitch black and the cold was biting her cheeks, but she didn't even feel it. Today was her big day, she would have to leave Arendelle's estate and go to Mr. Peterson's trial. She hadn't left the mansion after that one trip to the police station. It hadn't gone too well, she had got two panic attacks at the hearing and they had had to stop the interrogation both times in order to let her family in, to calm her down. It had been one of the hardest day of her life, but she had a feeling that this day would be even harder. She would have to sit in a room with the man whose face she saw on every stranger. Waiting for that had made her so nervous that she hadn't been able to stomach a single bite, losing half a year progress on her weight. And the last three nights had been almost completely sleepless, thus why she was pacing around the yard at half past four at the morning.

Even though she hadn't yet leave the mansion, there was some progress. She didn't eat in her room anymore, she spent time with her sister and parents, attended the therapy sessions, actually took her meds and her biggest achievement yet: she was able to go to the yard. Not alone, but still. Elsa could actually get some fresh air every day and walk her own dog. She always had the bodyguard her father had hired with her. Her father said it was for the paparazzi, who were currently really interested in her, in case she wanted leave the house someday, but mostly he was just for her to feel safe around the yard. It was surprising how safe Elsa felt around Marshall, who was over two meters tall, shoulders wide enough to lift her whole family at once, and who never had any kind of small talk. Anna couldn't stand him, she thought he was too broody and scary, and even poor Olaf got quite nervous around him, but Elsa was comfortable. She enjoyed his quiet company, how she could barely notice he was there but still knowing that if something were to happen, he would keep her safe. It was quite sad that she felt a need to have a bodyguard when she went out to her own secured yard, but that's just how it was. She felt bad for waking him up at this hour, but she simply needed to go out and Olaf's company wasn't enough for her to make her feel safe. Marshall didn't complain, though, didn't look like he minded at all. Elsa was grateful for that.

Elsa was in middle of pacing and worrying when Olaf, who had been jumping on her footsteps, behind her, stopped and seemed alerted. Elsa felt dread building in her stomach and Marshall straightened his back to be more ready for anything coming. Elsa could feel the panic starting to spread to her whole body while instead of barking, Olaf started wagging his tail, excitedly. _What a great guard dog._ But then Elsa's racing heart was put in ease, she could hear someone falling on the snow and familiar voice muttering something in the darkness.

"Anna! What are you doing there?" Elsa yelled into the darkness.

"Uff. I'm. Just. Trying. To- Umph", Anna was trying to talk while crawling towards them in the snow. She looked like she was having hard time getting up and Elsa couldn't help put giggle behind her hand because of how silly her sister was being. For that Anna shot a look that could kill, and amused Elsa rushed to help her sister who was still struggling in the snow.

"Ught. My leg just got stuck, twice. It should be illegal to have this amount of snow. It's not like I don't like snow, I just don't want to drown in it", Anna was muttering sourly.

How Elsa loved her sister. She was such an extraordinary person who seemed to be able to brighten Elsa's days, even when she was just complaining about something. Elsa felt bad that they had missed out so much together. She was sad, because she knew it was all her fault. _If she hadn't let Mr. Peterson into her room that night, if she had told someone earlier, and if she hadn't just completely shut out her sister, it could all be different. But how could she be sure that distance with Anna had been wrong, maybe she still was unknowingly a danger for her sister? Was she pulling Anna down with her because of her own ignorance? She had talked about feelings and thoughts, she had concerning the guilt from the abuse, with her family and her therapist, and they all seemed to think that Elsa shouldn't blame herself for what had happened, but Elsa couldn't quite trust them with that. Maybe it was just something they were supposed to say, in order to make her feel better, but they didn't actually mean it. Or maybe they were in denial, they didn't let themselves understand how involved Elsa was in all that badness, how she had contributed to it._

There was a hand on her shoulder: "Hey, where did you go?" Anna was curving her neck a little so she could reach her sister's eyes with her own.

"I was just in my thoughts, It's going to be really rough day", it wasn't technically a lie, Elsa just didn't want to burden her sister any more than she already had.

Anna looked suspicious, but after a couple of seconds, she let it slide. She threw her hands in the air and exclaimed theatrically: "Tell me about it! I don't know how to be in the same room with that piece of shit, without bashing his ugly, deformed face in. I'm so jealous for dad for doing just that. I wish they'll never fix that stupid nose of his. Dad should've killed him."

Elsa took a lungful of that cold winter air and murmured softly: "I don't wish that. Father would have gotten in serious trouble from that. He could never escape a manslaughter, or even a murder, just by paying some money. That man isn't worth our father. I don't even wish him dead, I don't wish anything for him, I don't care."

Anna looked a little confused: "How can you be so indifferent? He ruined your life, your childhood. Don't you want your revenge? I know I do. I'd kill him myself."

Elsa stroked her sister's cheek, which was reddening from the cold, and smiled at her with a gloomy smile: "I used to be mad, I did. Couple of days after I told the police, I was so mad. I wanted to break everything in my room, I wanted to destroy him, destroy myself, but that anger didn't get me anywhere. Avenging him won't get me anywhere. Don't get me wrong, I want him in the prison, but not for a revenge, I want him to be locked away from me, from little girls like I was. But I don't really care what happens to him, I just want to get better myself. I want my life back. I want to have it with you, mother and father, he won't get a room in my life anymore. If they will free him today, so it be, I won't waste another thought for him."

Anna took her hands and spoke with words so certain, that Elsa had to believe her: "He won't walk today. I know that. The doctors support your claim and there's multiple people giving testimonies for seeing you and him disappearing together that night, let alone the child pornography they found on his computer, there's no way that he's walking away with this. You won't ever have to see him again, I promise."

"Thank you, Anna. I could have never done this without you. I'm so sorry I haven't been there for you when you have needed me", Elsa said genuinely, but sadly.

"Nonsense. It wasn't me who needed you then. I wish you had let me in, maybe I could have helped you earlier", Anna said and pursed her lips. But before Elsa could have said anything else, Anna shuddered from the cold. "As much as I love this heartwarming sisterly bonding we are having here, I would prefer to be actually warm. It's like freezing here! Even Marshall and Olaf over there look cold and I'm pretty sure they have thicker skins than us. Let's go in. Aren't you cold?"

Elsa chuckled and grabbed her sister's arm to pull her towards the door: "The cold never bothered me anyway, but let's get you in. I wouldn't stand it if you caught a cold because of me." Then she paused a little to think, before adding. "Or you, Marshall. I'm sorry for making you stand out in the cold for so long."

With that, they all got back in to warm themselves and wait for the inevitable.

_**…**_

Elsa could feel the panic swallowing her whole. She wasn't ready for this, she wasn't ready for any of this. The walls of the bathroom seemed to constrict around her. The floor was so dirty and gross that she wanted to vomit, but she still couldn't seem to get up. All of her limbs felt numb and foreign, like they were about to fall off. She could hear the scars on them screaming for her, begging her to reopen them. They were itching so terribly that Elsa couldn't stand it. She had to distract herself from it or else she would had to bash her head against the wall until her brains streamed out, through her ears. She started franticly pulling paper towels and soaked them under the tap. Then she started scrubbing the floor with so much power that the paper broke and the friction caused her fingers to burn. The pain eased her itching but did nothing for her anxiety.

Elsa couldn't draw breath properly. She filled her lungs with air, but she didn't seem to get any oxygen. All the dirt and dust filled up her nostrils and airways and she was suffocating. She felt terrified of dying. Was this how she would go. Alone, on dirty bathroom floor. Maybe it was the only appropriate way for her to die, she deserved that. Tears trickled down her cheeks while she was hyperventilating, on all her fours, fingers bleeding. The black spots started to fill out her vision, and even they seemed to have piercing blue eyes. It made her lose all the strength she had left and her arms gave up under her weight.

Elsa was laying in the fetal position, trying to suck in some oxygen and ready to succumb for darkness, when the familiar voices started pulling her back to consciousness. There were her name and someone was holding her. That person was talking to her, with a soft voice._ Mother?_ There was another voice. Deeper, but still gently. _Father._ They were telling her that it would all be alright, that she had to slow her breathing down. She wanted to trust them, so she did as she was told. It was hard, her body was screaming for her to breathe faster, that there wasn't any oxygen, but she ignored it. Eventually her vision returned and she started gaining the full control of her senses again. She could now see and feel her mother holding her, sitting on the dirty floor with her, surrounded with wet paper towels that Elsa had left there. And she saw her father, he was holding her arms and talking calmingly. _Nothing bad would happen to her._

"Papa, I can't do it", Elsa whispered hoarsely after she finally found her voice again. Tears were streaming down her cheeks.

Father dried her tears with his thumb and told her softly, but confidently: "Of course you can. You're my brave little girl. You've come so far already. I know you can do anything you want to, I believe in you."

"I'm not brave. I'm so afraid that my mind is buzzing. Every cell of me is terrified."

"Elsa, bravery isn't absence of fear. Fear makes the brave."

Then her mother carried on for her father, with tone so certain and serene: "Bravery is facing the things you fear the most and going towards them anyway. And right now honey, I cannot imagine anyone braver than you. Your father and I are so proud of you. You wouldn't disappoint us even if you now got on your feet and ran off, skipping the whole trial. But I know you won't do that, because this is so important for you. You know that you have to face what you fear the most in order to move on. You have the courage for that, I know you do, you just need a little bit of support. That's why we are here and we will be there the whole time, supporting you."

Her father gave her a moment to let all of that sink in before saying: "It's time to go now. Are you ready, Elsa?"

Elsa took a deep breathe, building up the courage. Then she nodded, confidently. Her father helped her up and Elsa dusted her dress while her father was helping mother up. Then they left the bathroom, Marshall was still waiting outside where she had left him. _Elsa was as ready as she could be for the final battle._

_**…**_

Elsa felt like she was in a dream. Nothing made any sense. She could barely feel her sister's arm holding her, anchoring her in the reality. All her senses were dulled, her vision was hazy. The only voice she could actually hear was her loud heartbeat drumming in her ears. _Thump thump thump._ Everything seemed to move on slow-motion. She tried to walk towards the seat she was supposed to sit on, but it felt like she wasn't moving anywhere. Blue eyes pierced through the blurriness, the blue eyes. She would recognize them anywhere, so long had they plagued her dreams and fears. Otherwise he wasn't as easy to recognize as she thought he would be. Throughout the years he had started balding and his dark brown hair had quite some grey. He had lost most of the muscles on his chest and his biceps while his suit jacket looked a little tight on his stomach. His nose was absolutely wrecked, her father really did a number on it. Not that his jaw or cheek were that much better. _That man had made Elsa hide for her whole live? Elsa was sure she could take him in fight. Okay, maybe not, Elsa could barely lift a liter of milk. But Marshall could, for sure. Marshall would kick his child-abusing-ass into the next dimension, for Elsa._ The thought made her feel a little more confident. She actually forget to sit because she was too busy imagining that but luckily, she had Anna to help her function.

Anything still didn't any sense though. Now Elsa was the only one who moved with slow-motion. The situation in the courtroom seemed to move in full speed and Elsa couldn't grasp on the subjects being discussed or the people who were talking. Her head felt foggy and still the only noise she could actually hear, was her own heartbeat. _Thump thump thump._ She felt sick and claustrophobic, even though the room wasn't small at all. The scars on her hands were itching and burning, she was sure they would glow red through the fabric of her sleeves. But when she looked at them, there was nothing. After she lifted her head up again, the trial had gone way further than it should have with that amount of time. She had to speak now. The words just flew out of her mouth without making any sense. _What was she talking about again? Was she done now?_ Elsa gazed at Anna, she was smiling at her, warmly and proudly. Then her parents, they seemed to approve what she had done, she must have done well then.

Before any time seemed to pass, people around her where cheering. Anna was shaking and hugging her happily._ Guilty?_ Her father didn't seem to be too pleased and her mother had just pursed her lips. _He probably didn't get as long sentence as they were hoping for, the money didn't matter._ Actually, nothing mattered to Elsa. She was free, she had faced her biggest fear and survived._ That sad old man was the biggest monster in her closet and now she had kicked him out of there._ The thought made Elsa laugh harder than she ever remembered laughing. She laughed so hard that the tears were streaming down her cheeks. _Or was she crying now? Yes, she was definitely crying._ Elsa hid her face in her hands while the sobs wracked her whole body. There were soothing hands and whispers but Elsa couldn't seem to stop crying. It was loud and ugly and sucked all the energy out of her body.

She just sat there, her face hidden in her hands and wept, until someone finally lifted her up and started carrying her out of the room. It was her father, she could smell the cologne through her violent sniffles. The lights were blinding her when Marshall was pushing the crowd to move from their way. Everyone were taking pictures and for once she didn't care. Let them put a picture of her on the front page where she was looking absolutely wrecked while crying in her father's arms. Let them all see it, she didn't care. _She was broken and now everyone knew it, what's the point of hiding it anymore?_

**_…_**

The car drive was quiet. Elsa had calmed down, but everybody seemed to be little too much on the edge to break the silence. Until Elsa braved herself and announced: "I want to go to skate somewhere." Before instantly regretting it. She wasn't used to demand or ask for anything. What if the others didn't want to do that? Announcing it like that had been rude of her. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. It was stupid idea."

"No, no, no honey. It was a great idea. We should absolutely go to skate together. You used to love skating, you were so good at it", her mother praised.

"Yes, skating sounds great! We just have to get new skates for you girls. There's no way that the old ones still fit", her father agreed with mother.

With that they went home, changed their clothes, father ordered someone to get new skates for her and Anna, and then rented an ice rink just for them.

**_…_**

Elsa was just finishing lacing her skates when she saw her sister struggling. She chuckled a little before kneeling to help her sister: "Here, let me."

"Thanks, I don't know what's wrong with my laces, they must be broken somehow", Anna complained for Elsa's amusement. They laces were completely fine.

When Elsa was done, she got up and offered her hand to Anna so they could go to skate together. Anna seemed hesitant: "Oh you know, I'm not sure if I should come, I'd be on your way. Maybe it would be better if I'd just stayed here and-"

But Elsa interrupted her rambling: "Oh come on, Anna!" And pulled her sister into the ice rink.

While Elsa stood gracefully on her skates, Anna was stumbling and would have fallen on her face if Elsa didn't hold her up. She skated backwards to help Anna go forward. It felt just as smooth as it had when she was a child, like she was born to do it. Where could she be, if she had never stopped? Well, now wasn't the right time for brooding because of that, she just wanted to seize this moment. Elsa let her sister go after she could skate on her own and let the ice lead her where it wanted. She just skated and forgot about everything else. Elsa closed her eyes to fully enjoy the sensation of the ice under her skates. She let the sounds of ice guide her. When she stopped and opened her eyes, her family was there, clapping and cheering. It had been such a long time she had felt proud about anything she had done. It wasn't the skating that made her so proud, but that she had pushed through her fears to get her family back. It was a little harder for Elsa to reach any emotions because of her medication, but this was happiness, she was sure of it.

"Hey, Ice Queen! I have something for you, come here!" Anna yelled from the bench, where she had somehow escaped with their parents while Elsa was skating.

Elsa skated to her with a smile that reached her eyes and asked what it was. Anna started rummaging her backpack for something and then pulled a box of chocolates. She smiled warmly and offered some for Elsa. Elsa hesitated and then admitted: "I haven't eat chocolate since that night."

Anna's face was pure shock when she shouted: "What! How can anyone live without chocolate for so long? Take than dark one on the corner. You used to love those when we were kids. I remember, because I hated them and couldn't understand how you could eat them. I still hate them, though."

Elsa still hesitated a moment more, before taking the one Anna was suggesting. Her liking it was the understatement of the year. _It was the most delicious thing in the world! How had she let that monster ruin this from her?_

After Elsa had swallowed that delicious treat, she turned to her parents and happily joked: "If we have more of these, you will never have to say that I'm too skinny again."

Her parents and her sister started laughing at that, and Elsa couldn't help but join. It was more about the whole situation than about Elsa's _hilarious_ joke. _Was that how it was supposed to be?_ _How it could have been her whole live if Mr. Peterson hadn't destroyed her mental health and forced her to hide from the world. Elsa could have had so much, become so much, she used to have such a bright future ahead of her. But even though she didn't have those great memories from her childhood or endless possibilities anymore, she had something more even more. She had this moment. It was useless to live in past or wait for the future. Right now, Elsa had her sister in her arms, she could help her achieve her dreams and they could lean to each other when things got too hard. And she had her parents, they would always be there to help her overcome the obstacles on her way. She did wish she had learned that earlier, but at least she knew it now. Elsa knew that she still had such a long way ahead of her, but for the first time in forever, she was certain she was on the right path._

* * *

**A/N **Editing this was pure pain. It's awful to be so close to be done, but not quite there yet. Probably the laziest editing I've done throughout this story, I hope it doesn't show too much. Now I understand why the last season is usually the worst and laziest one in TV-series, everyone just wants to be done with it. I still had fun writing this, and I'm so happy that I finally have this idea out of my head and can start thinking about other things too. I thought I would write an epilogy, but doesn't seem likely anymore, won't cross that idea completely out of my list, but I wouldn't hold my breath waiting for that. I hope you all have a wonderful year and maybe we will see again with some other story (or that epilogy), bye!


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